Archive for June 2011

Independence Week

Saaaaaaaaaaaaweet! I’ll be husband and kid free for the weekend. I plan to frolick, EAT MEAT, drink booze, make love out of NOTHING at all, and see if Kevin Cronin from REO Speedwagon will autograph my gauchos. Like I said in my last blog, festival just draw me in.  Hello Ribfest! I hope you like the... Read more »

Boys to Men

I know this girl who has an aunt whose husband’s brother’s 2nd grade teacher’s dog trainer’s grandma’s sister-in-law’s personal trainer’s neighbor’s friend’s soccer coach who met that girl from iCarly. Right. I am privy to endless conversations with 11-12 year old kids lately. The misinformation, embellishment and dumbf*&kery overwhelms me. I sit quietly most of... Read more »

Festival schmestival

It’s that time of the year again when folks crowd themselves into cramped and roped off areas, sweating (and swearing) their nuts off while waiting in line to pay $16 for 3 spare ribs. In my 41 years, I’ve fested at some of the best and the worst. From Summerfest in Wisconsin to Rib Fest... Read more »
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Dad is a verb

“He has colic,” said my husband, while putting together a changing table for our firstborn son. It had been about a month since we welcomed our son into the world. The easy pregnancy and delivery spoiled us. My troubles with double mastitis (think cracked and blistered nipples set on fire) and a miserable, screaming infant... Read more »

Adios' Amiga!

My daughter, Cate, and her best friend, Lexis are upstairs squealing nonsense chatter as they play. I have NO idea what the HELL they are saying or doing. It makes no sense to me, but after all, they are only 7 and 5. It makes perfect sense to them. Everything and anything is possible for... Read more »

Just Peace

Just Peace
“The truth is that parents aren’t interested in justice. They just want quiet.” Bill Cosby Spot on, Jell-O-pudding man! I don’t want it quiet all the time, but I cannot understand why my kids absolutely MUST have the last word. AND they continue to entertain the delusion that somehow they have some say in the... Read more »
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Tell me a TRUE story

Spawn wants to be inspired. He told me that this week. I don’t doubt that he is seeking stimulation. School’s out for summer and my kid is always looking for an exciting escapade, but I know he’s repeating a phrase that is constantly escaping my flapping yap; “I just looking for inspiration.” When I’m sitting... Read more »

Dr. Rosenpenis - the urban deviant

Dr. Rosenpenis - the urban deviant
I have learned a LOT of stuff about navigating the health care system this year. I’ve also learned about sexual deviance. You heard me right. These are just two of the things I’ve been schooled on this year but I think somehow for the purposes of my rant, I’ll attempt to demonstrate their interconnectedness. For... Read more »

No one gets out alive. NO ONE.

No one gets out alive. NO ONE.
Reece Witherspoon. I love that talented bitch. In the world of celebrity moms, she is my favorite. Remember how her Vanessa Lutz kicked pedophile ASS in “Freeway?” No? Well, you’re missing out. Watch it. I love movies and I love me some smutty gossip rags. They distract me while I’m waiting for the doctor or... Read more »
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Boo Hoo Coffee

I realize that last week’s ranting about Field Day and the lack of WINNING might lead you to believe that I missed some of the wonder and joy surrounding the event. That would be incorrect. While I did spend a good amount of time trying to convince 2nd graders that I gave up my career... Read more »