10 Rules for Dating My Son: A Realist's Approach

Clearly, with teenagers in the house, dating happens.   There is quite a bit of focus on the girls in this area, but not so much on the boys.  Trust me, mothers of sons can be just as psychotic as fathers of daughters, and to avoid that, I have come up with the following rules for dating my son:

1. No drama or angst.  I have already heard stories of girls who suddenly began cutting themselves, ran away from home, and have threatened to kill themselves.  My son is a child, and no child should be tortured with thoughts of you harming yourself.  If you are truly feeling that way, we want to help you, but please don't use it as a way to get attention or to see how quickly he can drive over to your house.

2. Don't text or call him repeatedly.  My son is involved in school activities, and cannot be with you 24/7.  I realize that you have cell phones, but he is entitled to some peace and quiet while he's at marching band practice.  The 14 missed calls and 12 texts that show up on his phone make you look like a psycho.  I don't like psychos, and he won't either by the time I am done with him.

3. Please talk to me.  I promise that I am not a scary mom.  I have no daughters, so I find it really refreshing and fun to talk to girls on occasion.  Ask me how school is going, or how things are with the family.  A couple of my son's "friends that are girls" (Melissa & Rachel...thank you) have even sent me texts in the past, and I LOVE THAT!

4. School comes before you.  My son has many plans for his future that depend on his grades.  Therefore, school always comes before dates, phone conversations and even texting.  There will be no trysts during the school week or after 5 p.m. on Sundays unless it's a special occasion.  By the way, National Potato Day and similar culture specific celebrations do not count as special occasions.

5. Family comes before you.  We love including the girlfriends in our family functions, but we can't always do that.  Therefore, if my son is enjoying spending the day with his brothers, we may not invite you.  Don't take it personally.  Oh, and when this happens, please refer to rule #2.

6. Act like a lady.  I have raised my son to be a gentleman, and therefore, have prepared him to date a lady.  Please refrain from using foul language, and dressing like you have a future in the sex industry.  We don't need the short skirt AND the belly bearing top.  Choose one and go with it.

7. Don't make him late for curfew.  I love my son, and he has a curfew.  It's 11 p.m. on weekends until he is 17, and after that you can have him until midnight.  If he hasn't called or texted me, and is more than 5 minutes late, you won't be seeing him for a few days.   I take this rule seriously, mostly because I wait up for him and I'm ready to turn into a pumpkin when the clock strikes midnight.

8. Don't touch my son in front of me.  Do I need to expound on this?  I didn't think so.

9. Don't ever say, "If you love me you'll....".  My boys are sensitive, and if they're dating you, the most certainly like you.  "Love" at the age of 16 is not allowed.  Relationships should never be conditional, so don't start this BS with my boy.

10. Don't plan on getting married or having children until my son is 30.  If your name is "Becky Jones", I don't want to see "Becky Berg" written all over your notebooks.  How do I know girls do this?  I DID IT!  Speaking from experience, you will meet a countless number of  young men in your lifetime.  Many will be worthy of your hand in marriage, but my son isn't going there until he has his degree(s) and has a good job.  You'll appreciate me for this rule in the future.

These rules are WAY more lenient than some other mothers who want the girl to carry a bible and wear a chastity belt.  I am a realist, and when my boys get older and find "the one", I want to have a great relationship with my daughters-in law.  You know, go shopping, have lunch, and even maybe go with her to pick out a wedding dress.

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