I used to be the type of girl that vomited sappy "I love you's" to my boyfriend on his Facebook wall.
I used to declare my adoration with nauseous inside jokes so that others could see.
Now, I keep it (semi) private.
Why? Because I feel if you have to overdo it with constant and unnecessary public displays of affection, you are probably trying to overcompensate for a not so great relationship. Am I making a blanket statement? Sure as hell I am. But does that change how I think? No, because I will be the first to tell you, seeing those posts from other people in my feed makes me want to upchuck a pizza. If I had eaten a pizza.
Which brings me to my next point...taking your husband's last name (yeah, you like that stream of consciousness?) Why is it necessary? And why do girls jump over joy at the chance to change their last names...their identity...the person they've been their entire life just because they got hitched.
I've never been the type of girl to dream about weddings, or husbands or babies. Frankly, all that domestic stuff makes me feel a bit claustrophobic. But on the other hand, I always had my entire body immersed deeply in the idea of love. I was always falling in love, out of love, causing drama, breaking up, making up. You get the picture. Is that completely the opposite of my previous statement. Sure it is. But I'm a woman. So I'm a walking contradiction.
I was watching a little flick called "Hot Tub Time Machine" this weekend. Who knew it would be such an eye opening journey into this particular topic.
Nick Webber played by Craig Robinson (you may remember him as Darryl from "The Office") was so smitten by his wife, that he completely shucked tradition and added her last name onto his, instead of the other way around. But turns out, Nick's wife cheated on him, causing Nick to become a blubbering fool that gave up his entire dream of singing and managing a record label, just to become "Mr. Webber".
I'm still a hopeless romantic. I still believe in love at first site and soul mates. And I love my husband. But that doesn't mean I want to lose my identity.
I understand it gets a little complicated when you have children. And frankly, I don't really have a solid answer for that. Well, besides the fact that the woman is the one carrying a bowling ball sized human being inside her belly that she later pushes through her tiny vagina in order to give it the gift of life. But I mean, sure. It totally makes sense to give the kid the husband's last name. After all, he is the one who did all the wiggling and sperminating.
After the movie was over, I asked my husband if he would ever take my last name. He flat out told me "No."
Despite him not wanting to be "Mister Milk" I know he still loves me and is committed to the marriage. And even though I'd rather shave my head than be "Mrs. K*#$^*n" I'm still a pretty freaking awesome wife.
So what do you think about changing last names?
Are you a traditionalist? And for the dudes out there--would you ever take your wife's name?
JENNYMILK
Author's note: I think I would laugh if my husband ever took my last name. I'm not into that either.
I thought it became optional in the late 70s, with all the hyphenated names and stuff. Of course it always was in Hollywood, except perhaps for Selma Bouvier Terwilliger McClure Disco Stu DiAmico [you get the picture].
What certainly seems out is signing as Mrs. Wayne K--. Someone in my garage has a license plate like that. She is apparently dating someone who, based on the initials on his license plate, is driving his dead wife's car.
Of course, your real name probably isn't Milk, either (given that you say you are a Ridiculous Polish Woman). There was a joke around Buffalo, New York about what does each new bride get that is long and hard--her husband's last name. I had one supervisor who lived in Buffalo and retained her maiden name, I think especially for that reason.
In that same environment were a couple of women who we thought were still available until they were about 4 months pregnant (and the birth of a child with a different last name was announced in the company paper 5 months later), as well as several who went through at least three name plates on their desks.
My wife asked me the same question and I gave her the same answer. I didn't care if she kept her last name or took mine - entirely her choice. But I had no desire to change mine.
I think what's fair is fair. If the woman doesn't want to change her name, she shouldn't. I think it's only a problem because there are some stubborn men out there who think it's disrespectful for the woman not to completely succumb to him, name and all.
and Jack..as for the last name..just throw a few more letters at the end of milk and end with an "ski" and that pretty much sums it up.
:-)
That's what I figured.
Or when Letterman once said that the President's name was really Barry Obamawitz, my sister said "if it were, I would have voted for him."
I got married late (35) and actually had a one-year-old already when we finally made it legal. Obviously, convention was not important to us. I did not want to take husband's name and had no expectation that he would take mine. We kept our own names and we don't wear wedding rings. Now we have two kids and they have hyphenated names, MyName-HisName. People tell me that they will HATE it when they grow up. Maybe that's true. If it is, I will pay the fees for them to change their name.
Yes, convention didn't seem to fit into our plan either!
I think what you did was great.
And if the kids don't like the hyphen, they can change it later.
I think it's kind of neat they get both parents names :-)
Plus, they may grow to appreciate it later on in life...when it's easier to accept and they're more willing to embrace being "different" or "unique".