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Fighting the frontal wedgie

Urban Dictionary: Frontal Wedgie

When a woman's undies get trapped on one side of the folds of her quiddy-quaddy.

Example: I'm never wearing those underwear again. They give me a frontal wedgie.

You ever get a frontal wedgie that just won't go away?

That happened to me the other day. I was wearing a tight pair of jeans and walking outside to my evening class.

One minute everything is fine and dandy, the sun is shining and my strut is fierce. The next minute the clouds move in, my underwear bunches and I'm forced to walk like some sort of erect male trying to hide his member.

Except I'm trying to hide a wounded vagina.

My story of a self inflicted melvin continues after the jump. And in case you need some visuals to go along with this story I've added some pictures of celebrities with frontal wedgies. Because Lord knows no one wants to see me with bunched up panties.

 

I hate the frontal wedgie. It's so much harder to pick out in public. Take the regular butt wedgie; you can discreetly slide your hand down the back of your pants and quickly snap your undies out from the darkness without really drawing too much attention to yourself.

But a frontal wedgie. Sheesh. It's like...who isn't going to notice that I am creepily stuffing my hand down the front of my pants?

I walked for 40 minutes in fear of getting caught red handed (haha get it). It was the worst pain in the world. Could I have just tempted fate and tried to pull the underwear out? Sure. Sure I could have. But the street I was walking on (North Avenue) is a pretty busy one. And knowing my luck I would have run into an ex-boyfriend while mid-vagina pick.

Hi whore Jenny. Haven't seen you in a few years. Glad to see things haven't changed much for you.

I mean how embarrassing would that be. So I suffered and endured. I kind of felt like Jesus Christ. Walking with a heavy burden on my shoulders in my pants in order to save all women from future pain.

Anyways, nearly an hour later I made it to class. A little irritated, a little red...but still breathing.

I ran to the nearest bathroom, slammed the stall door and picked my frontal wedgie.

Ahh sweet relief.

God damn the frontal wedgie. Also known as camel toe.

JENNYMILK

If you liked this post you may also like How to pick a wedgie

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  • Here's a would be solution. Go commando. Trust me. It makes all the difference.

  • In reply to radiohead801:

    I will take that into consideration. but here is what i want you to take into consideration...RUG BURN.

  • JMilk,

    I know that it's been awhile since your painful and embarrassing camel toe episode but I wanted to share the solution to the frontal wedgie, a.k.a. Camel Toe, The Cuchini. Available at www.Cuchini.com, The Cuchini is a reusable, lightweight and comfortable pad that adheres to undergarments and clothing to eliminate what is commonly known as Camel Toe.

    We hope that this helps, The Cuchini Team

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