In the Name of God: The Compassionate and Infinitely Merciful Beloved
It is truly amazing that it has been five years; five years since the horrific day that my daughter passed away. So much has happened since then...so many good things. I have been blessed with many happy moments and events, and for these, to the Lord, I am truly truly thankful. But the pain of her loss will never go away. I will always carry it with me for the rest of my life.
It is part of God's Mercy that the passage of time has brought some amount of forgetfulness. If I always had the fresh memory of her death in my mind, I do not think I would have been able to move on; to pay attention to those around me who are here now; to be the husband and father I need to be; to be the doctor I need to be. But, it does not take much for all that emotion to come roaring back. And, sometimes, when it does, it can be very, very hard.
When people ask me how many kids I have, I usually do not mention that our eldest past away. I do not want to make their day dark and sad, because it is indeed truly heartbreaking to know that someone has lost their child. But, she is never out of my mind. She will always be my eldest; she will always be my beloved baby; she will always be the Angel that the Lord had asked to come back to Him much earlier than I would have liked.
For some reason, this post is a little hard for me to write. Normally, the words simply fly out of my heart and onto the screen. But, this time, I have to really think about what I want to say on this fifth anniversary of her death. Could it be that I have written so much about her already? Perhaps. Could it be that I am exhausted right now from many days of working? Perhaps.
But I will never stop thinking about her and mourning her loss each and every day. I really do miss her very much, and on this day my thoughts will be about all about her. I will wear pink on this day to honor her, for pink was her absolute favorite color. I pray the Lord continues to give me His soothing comfort and support, for without it, I would truly be lost.
Yes, it is indeed amazing that five years have passed since that dark day of June. But although the passage of time may bring some small amount of relief, it will never make my heart whole. For when, on that day five years ago, my Angel flew back to her Lord, she took a part of my heart with her, to never return again.