"My First Love"

In the Name of the Compassionate and Infinitely Merciful Precious Beloved

I first heard the song on the MyJihad website, and I was completely captivated by it. Since then, I have been listening to it again and again. The lyrics are quite profound, taking about a deep love felt for someone:

I wanted to go away with you,
and I would leave all my troubles here.
I wanted to run away with you,
And I would bring all my dreams and fears.

I wanted to start again with you,
And I would leave all my worries here.
I wanted only you.
and all that I felt with you.

The most significant part of the song for me, however,  is the chorus:

Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine,
you were my first love.

I can't help but think of my baby - who was born on this day - and who died three years ago from cancer. She has been "forever in my mind." I definitely see her "in all/The pieces in my life." I think about her constantly.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember her beautiful face, her glowing smile, her kind heart, her beautiful brown eyes, her flowing brown hair. There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember her angelic presence, her soft angelic voice, and her beautiful, pure heart. There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember how much joy she brought my wife and me.

And when I hear Yuna sing: "Though you weren't mine, you were my first love", I reflect on how true those words are. Of course, my wife was my first love. But, my daughter, my baby, was also my "first love." I never knew that I could love someone like that until I had her in my life. I never knew the sweetness of love until she graced my every day. I never knew the sweetness of God's love until I tasted it through my beautiful daughter.

"Though you weren't mine..."

That has such a profound meaning for me because, I didn't realize when she was first born that she would ultimately not belong to me. She would belong to God. She would be called home to her Lord at a very young age. She would be called back to her Lord's garden to flourish and blossom as a beautiful flower. Or, she would be called back to be as she truly was: the Lord's Angel, free to fly and soar in the warm glow of His soothing Light.

No, ultimately, she would not be mine. But, she was "my first love."

Today, my love would have been sixteen years old. Ever since she went back to her Lord, to whom she truly belongs, my heart has endured a never-ending, boring pain. My chest - so many times - has been seized with the unbearable horror of having to watch her die; of having to see her suffer so terribly; of having to watch her beautiful coffin be covered with ugly dirt. So many times, it is so very hard, because "Though [she wasn't] mine, [she was] my first love."

Lord, I pray that - right now in Your Presence - my baby is having the most beautiful and majestic Sweet Sixteen party this universe has ever seen.

Happy Birthday, my baby. Daddy misses you so very much.

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