Snoop Lion, aka the artist formerly known as Snoop Dogg, sent shock waves through the twitterverse the other day shortly after instagramming the following list created by Dragon Fly Jonez weighing the cons of Mitt Romney against the pros of Barack Obama.
Despite the fact that a news organization as reputable as TMZ has already called this "The Greatest List Ever," in a year in which the presidential candidates themselves have taken great liberties with the truth, one can't help but wonder just how accurate this list's content is. In accordance with the vigorous fact checking that has occurred throughout the 2012 Presidential Election, I feel obligated to take a closer look at Dragon Fly Jones's various claims in order to evaluate their relative truthfulness. In the grand tradition of Chicago's standing as the 'Windy City' I think it is appropriate to use the following scale as we evaluate the honesty of the above claims.
Windy City Truth Scale:
Breeze: completely truthful
Draft: partially truthful
Gust - partially untruthful
Bluster - very untruthful
Tornado - complete horseshit
Why Snoop Isn't Voting for Romney
1) He a white nigga - Breeze, according to the biography of George Romney, Mitt is of primarily English descent, with distant Scottish and German ancestry. Never mind the fact that his father was born in a Mormon colony in Mexico, Latino voters have largely failed to accept him as one of their own despite Mitt's great attempt to bring them into the fold...
2) This muthafucka's name is Mitt - Breeze, strong circumstantial evidence allows us to conclude Mitt Romney is indeed 'a muthafucka.' Due to the fact Romney has five sons, we can safely conclude Romney has been 'a muthafucka' at least four times. That said, it is very possible he has 'muthafuck[ed]'' many more times than that.
3) Bitch got a dancing horse - Draft, It is well documented that Ann Romney's horse Rafalca participated in the Summer Olympics in London where she placed 13th in Dressage or Horse Dancing. Mitt often claims Rafalca is his wife's horse, although he did claim a $77,000 tax loss on expenses relating to Rafalca according to Bloomberg. Romney's dancing horse also gave birth to the single funniest DNC ad of this campaign season entitled, 'Mitt Dances Around the Issues.'
4) He a ho - Tornado; Mitt Romney and his wife Ann have been continuously married since 1969. It seems extremely doubtful that Mitt Romney is in fact 'a ho' especially since Ann was his high school sweetheart. Its much more likely that the young Mitt Romney was a precursor to the strapping Mormon virgin archetype currently filled by Tim Tebow than a true 'ho' in the Snoop Dogg sense of the word. That said, if Romney were a little more willing to deviate from his monogamous ways countless American, including the young woman below, would love to be his ho. Even a lot of dudes I know think Romney is dashing...
@drosato613: mitt romney is the best looking 65 year old man in the world...he nearly looks better than clooney, a man 14 years his junior.
5) He looks like he says "nigger" all the time - Gust; YouTube has disabled embedding the following video so please click here. That said, Romney certainly doesn't seem like a bonafide 'nigger-guy' in the Randy from South Park sense of the word. If you haven't seen the South Park Episode "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson" do yourself a favor and watch it before continuing with the rest of this fact check.
6) This muthafucka's name is Mitt - Tornado, Gov. Romney's name is actually Willard Mitt Romney. Romney was named after his father's great friend, businessman J. Willard Marriott, of hotel fame.
7) He always interrupts and talks over people like he's better than them. Bitch I will beat the shit out of you - Breeze; After his stellar performance at the first presidential debate, Romney developed a reputation for practicing an extremely aggressive debating style. Even if you had the TV on mute you could tell he was winning the debate just by watching his body langague. For a hilarious Taiwanese view of the first debate check out the following video. Its an instant classic.
8) He's a Mormon but he ain't go no hoes - Gust; At the very least Mitt has at least one ho, Anne. That said, I believe that Mr. Dragon Fly Jones and Snoop are referring Gov. Romney's failure to engage in the single best practice of the Mormon faith, polygamy. I'm sure both of them would be disappointed to know that Mitt's grandfather fled to Mexico in the late 1800s with his five wives to escape prosecution for his practice of polygamy. So even if Mitt himself didn't practice polygamy he can easily trace his linage to a very pimping stock.
9) He reminds me of every boss I ever hated - Bluster; One of the most famous 'gaffes' Mitt Romney is reported to have made during this election cycle was when he said, 'I like firing people.' Below is the full version of his infamous comments. Taken in context he seems much more reasonable than many bosses out there. Especially this guy...
10) This muthafucka's name is Mitt - Breeze; I'm sure most Chicagoans would be surprised to learn that Gov. W. Mitt Romney was named in part after his father's first cousin, Milton 'Mitt' Romney, who coincidentally was a former Bears quarterback according to the Chicago Tribune.
Why I'm Voting for Obama
1) He a black nigga - Gust; Born to a White mother and Kenyan father Barack Obama is biracial in the most classical sense. Raised by whites but always dark in appearance, his racial ambiguity is one of the greatest paradoxes not only of his presidency but of his unique self-concept. Barack Obama has had to straddle two distinct worlds for much of his life. As his father was an African foreign exchange student, Barack doesn't share the common slave heritage shared by the vast majority of the African American community. It is not a stretch to say that his black is different from Snoop's black. He sure as hell ain't no Clay Davis (of Wire Fame), "sheeeeittttttt!" Obama has routinely been criticized for switching his accents depending on if he's speaking to a white or black crowd. Check out his infamous speech at Hampton University in 2007 and the man you hear sounds quite different from the POTUS you're used to.
2) He mad cool yo - Breezy my nizzy! Its well documented that the Choom Gang president loved smoking weed growing up. He's an admitted user of cocaine during his days at Columbia. That said, win or lose, the single coolest legacy of the Obama presidency has to be the following YouTube video parody of the Waka Flaka Flame song.
3) That nigga look like he can fight - Gust; Obama's relatively slight frame doesn't exactly instill the fear of God within his opponents. While lacking in pure brute strength, his sneaky lengthiness brings to mind the build of UFC champion Bones Jones who has used his long arms and legs to terrorize the MMA world for the past year. Whether or not you are intimidated by POTUS physically there is no question that Barack Obama's rhetorical skills are capable of knocking opponents out cold.
4) He wears a durag like me - Tornado; Despite my best efforts I was unable to substantiate the claim that Barack Obama has ever worn a durag. If anyone possesses such a picture please send to to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Until then I'm calling bs on this claim.
5) Michele got a fat ass - Gust; As a champion of efforts against obesity First Lady Michele Obama has been a major opponent of the fat ass. The Obama administration's advocating of efforts to further physical education in public schools has dealt a crippling blow to fat booties everywhere. That said, the first lady doesn't have too bad of a caboose of her own. Although I don't personally share the enthusiasm for the First Bum that the guy in the following video does, I will at least admit I see where he's coming from.
6) He's BFFs with Jay-Z - Breeze. The relationship between POTUS and HOVA has been extremely well documented. Obama has long been a fan of Jay-Z's music and even gave him the following shout out at Jay-Z's Made in America festival this summer in Philadelphia. In return Jay-Z has raised millions of dollars for the re-election campaign.
7) He's hugged Beyonce before and sniffed her neck - Breeze; POTUS famously called Beyonce 'a role model' for his daughters at an exclusive NYC fundraiser thrown by Jay-Z and Beyonce at the 40/40 Club. If being called a role model by the President of the United States isn't deserving of a little hug and sniff I don't know what is.
8) We use the same hair clippers - Gust; While it is hard to know for sure if Snoop and Obama actually use the same clippers I think it is much more critical to see the impact that Obama has had on the hair cuts of many American youth...
9) He smokes Newports - Bluster; While it is well documented that Barack Obama was a smoker for well over thirty years it is unclear if he remains one today. Various media reports have stated that at the urging of his daughters Obama gave up smoking some time last year. However bootleg video from a middle of the road convenience store in Bumble Fuck, USA seem to suggest that POTUS may not be completely truthful about kicking the habit. Most disturbing about Snoop's claim is that the president actually has long preferred Marlboro's over Newports, yet even more damning evidence against Obama's true blackness.
10) I seen that nigga hoop before and he got a jumper - Breeze; Obama goes one and done... just like his presidency