Some Advice For Fans on How to Chase Away The Chicago Bears Blues

Sunday morning started out positive. Football-Game Day-Chicago Bears and the Miami Dolphins playing in Chicago, and the soothsayer Sports Brains were all predicting a Bears victory in Soldier Field. Of course, they would win. They had to win. They LOST their first two games at home and couldn't possibly go 0-3 at home. The team was confident and ready. Yeah right…eyes rolling.

On a personal note, we had gone to the disappointing Home Games #1(Bears vs. Buffalo Bills) and Game #2 (Bears vs. Green Bay Packers) at Soldier Field. However, this week My Sports Guy has announced that we will be a “no-show” at the hopeful Game #3 (Bears vs. Dolphins).

“Seriously, you are saying you don’t want to go to the game?” I asked my Die-Hard Bears Fan who longs to be in the stands for every game - rain, snow, sleet not a problem.

He explained: “If the Bears lost both games that we were at – then if we don’t go – they'll win.”

“Oh, I get it. Big Mojo. We really have a lot of power,” I replied. “OK, we'll take one for the team.”

However, as you know, the theory was debunked. Our Bad News Bears LOST again. 0-3 at home. Pretty pathetic, and now the season is swiftly swirling down the toilet.

bears toilet logo

So, whether we GO to a game or DON’T GO to a game – it doesn’t matter. Whether My Sports Guy wears the same long sleeve Cubs shirt under the same short sleeved Bears shirt that he was wearing last week – when they WON – it doesn’t matter. Or whether he wears the “ lucky” Polo shoes that he insists are “Bears orange”, even though they are NOT orange – they are “pinky coral” – it doesn’t matter.

these shoes are not orange

these shoes are not orange

The burden is lifted. The Bears lost because they suck. We had nothing to do with it.

It is what it is. So, in the light of this depressing fact, let’s look at ways that will shine a little light on the dismal hand that Chicagoans have been dealt.

First, Advice on avoiding the Chicago Bears Blues when watching the game at home:

DO NOT WATCH THE GAME AT HOME.

This will provoke frustration and anxiety. Why you ask? Your Easy Chair or your couch with reclining seats and cup holders, of course will be facing your giant flat screen TV. This will force you to watch every play of the game. Your blood pressure will escalate. The kids will be freaked out by the screaming and swearing. And finally, when you are calling the obvious plays that you KNOW will march your team down the field…Cutler can’t hear you. That presents the possibility that you might come very close to throwing a beer bottle at the screen. SMASH and then you will be Singing the Chicago Bears Blues.

GO TO A PUBLIC PLACE TO WATCH THE GAME.

For example, Sunday we did just that. We got together with great family and fun friends at a bar/restaurant clubby spot that was NOT surrounded by wall to wall mega TV’s. Nope, only one lone TV over the bar. Perfect.

This is the optimum scenario. Bears fans eating, drinking, chatting, mingling…the game is on, but it is not in your face. You could turn your head and not be forced to watch the disaster on the field from every angle.

At one point My Sports Guy was actually sitting across the table with his BACK TO THE TV. I kid you not. This did scare me. Could two eyeballs have popped out of the back of his head???

Next: How to avoid the Chicago Bears Blues if you are at Soldier Field.

If this is the case, there are wads of cash involved and you definitely need a plan.

TAILGATE:

Of course, you can actually BUY a parking pass – $$$ – and bring your own car/van/pick-up and load up the grill, coolers, grillin’ meat and lots of booze. That’s great, but whatever your spread is you will be humbled by the “BearMobile” regulars that have fine-tuned this pre and post- game eating, drinking orgy into a science. They are pros. It is a totally awesome debacle of Bears Fans Gone Wild.

OR, you can do what we do: Stroll casually through the tailgating lot (there are several). Then, My Sports Guy will scope in on a Friendly Fan Group and he will start chanting “Go Bears” or “Da Bears”, and then The Friendly Fans will respond with the same war cry…”Go Bears” “Da Bears”. Then, after high fives or fist bumps (the male sports ritual continues), the bond is cemented. Soon the Friendly Group is insisting that we join them for a beer, a bloody and a burger. Badda Bing.

In gratitude, My Guy likes to part ways with a rousing chorus – which he starts up…”Bear Down Chicago Bears da da dada da dada da dadadada”…it’s a lovefest.

Now, once in a great while, a Friendly Fan Group is encountered that are so wrapped up in their revelry and feasting that they neglect to offer to share with crashers – I mean fellow fans – like us. If this happens, My Guy has a back-up tactic: He says, “Hey man, can I BUY one of your beers???” Now, 100% of the time the raucous tailgaters will reply with, “Hell no – take one buddy – take two!” And then, “Go Bears” “Da Bears”. High Five. Fist Bump.

So, you get the picture. Party with the Tailgaters and Blues Be Gone.

Finally, while at the game:

Taunt the Opposing Team’s Fans that have infiltrated your stadium.

Men seem to find that this is a tension releaser. It’s a verbal battlefield and they’re at war.

So, when our Bears LOST the first two home games that we attended, upon exiting the stadium, MY Sports Warrior steps it up with his favorite comeback to the enemy that is relentlessly chanting, “Bears Suck” “Bears Suck”.

Here is what he shouts to the WINNING opposing team fans, and he yells it over and over:

“AT LEAST WE DON’T HAVE TO GO HOME TO (insert one) BUFFALO (or) GREEN BAY WISCONSIN!!!” Take that @#$#%%!*&@

Getting in that last dig seems to ease his Chicago Bears Blues.

Comment: I have never been to Buffalo, but I have been to Green Bay and he does make a point.

Light Bulb Moment: Thinking about this and his reasoning of why we didn’t go to the Bears-Dolphins game – superstition, blah blah blah…

Could it be that in the back of his Sports Brain, he knew that if the game did end in yet another Bears loss – the Dolphin fans would be in his face, and then what would he retaliate with?

”Yeah but YOU have to go home to MIAMI!”

That wouldn’t quite fly, would it? AHA.

Go Bears.

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