Chicago Mascots, Clark the Cub, Benny the Bull and their buddy Mickey have a night out on the town and the conversation turns serious.
Benny the Bull: "Hey guys, are your heads secure? Are your heads bolted down? Velcro isn't good enough. You heard what happened to that (unofficial) Cubby Mascot in Wrigleyville. He was out mingling with the Cubs fans, just minding his own business and some guy PULLED HIS HEAD OFF."
Clark, the newbie in the group, looked terrified. He had heard the rumors that fans weren't so thrilled with him getting the mascot gig and he probably thought that he could meet the same fate.
Mickey wasn't phased. "Rarely happens at Disneyland. Too much security."
Benny the Bull put up his fists and said, "Nobody is knocking my block off. You see these horns - they're not just for show." Besides, my real identity can never be revealed.
With that a round was ordered and toasts were made. Here's to "Touch my Head and you're Dead" - Ha Ha Ha.
Backtracking: In case you hadn't heard (in real life) a Cubby Bear unofficial “Mascot” recently had his huge Cubby Head removed by a hostile patron at a Wrigleyville Bar. A brawl ensued when the headless Cub retaliated by smashing the perpetrator in the face.
See it here and be prepared to gasp.
Now, to clarify…this costumed crusader wasn't an “authorized” mascot (like the new “Clark the Cub"), but he’s been around for a while – and so what if he’s just a wannabe? He spreads good will, takes pictures with the fans. It’s a good thing. Just my opinion.
So, after seeing the video about this shameful incident – I have become worried about the Mascots and all costume wearers with Big Heads whether they are sports team characters, Disney characters or the Easter Bunny – whatever – they all need to be protected. You know how this goes…it can be a sick world….copy cat crimes. And these “people within the 'big head costumes” are pretty vulnerable!.
Think about it. When you are wearing a giant head with little holes for your eyes – what exactly is your peripheral vision? Pretty limited.
And, can you imagine – how hot it is to be wearing a head like that? Especially in the summer? They have to be dripping sweat to the point of weakness. An assault on a costumed head should be a felony.
Now back to the “Bar Scenario”…let’s talk about Benny The Bull. With all due respect, not sure about Clark the Cub, or Mickey Mouse – but Benny can really hold his own. In a bar room brawl – Benny would be kung foo fighting – in their face –a “Do who know who you’re messing with” annihilator. Have you seen him in action at Bulls games? He is the epitome of a hard core super athlete. He is a total gymnast – flips through the air, back flips, somersaults, cartwheels, trampoline. And talk about vision – even with his huge Bulls Head – have you seen him make half court shots with his back to the basket?
Don’t mess with Benny – he runs with the best of them – he’s in the league with Captain America, Spiderman, the Incredibles and more. You knock Benny’s head off and you won't live to talk about it.
But, what about all the other characters with giant heads? I'm worried. Maybe some of them are just little old ladies or old men looking to make a few bucks. We need to stop any and all violence against them. People cannot be knocking their heads off. Besides, the children will be horrified.
In the words of Jim Croce:
...You don't tug on Superman's cape...You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger...
Just then My Sports Guy walked into the room looking very elated. Something was up.
"Just downloaded tickets for the Bulls game tonight - Second playoff game - and we ARE going to win," he announced.
The Bulls game tonight suddenly sparked a light bulb moment.
"Speaking of the Bulls, I was just wondering about our Mayor and Benny the Bull," I was thinking out loud.
My Guy gave me "The Look" like what the hell are you talking about.
"Rahm Emanuel and Benny the Bull? OK, I give - what were you thinking?" He rolled his eyes.
"Has anyone ever seen them in the same room together? Huh, have they? I'm just saying."
Who is that Big Headed Bull???????????
Anyway, in the meantime, you can send your donations to The Society for the Prevention of Abuse to Mascots. We must stop the insanity.
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