Week 11: Diary of a Mad Fantasy Football Player - My Team "Mad Men" Takes the Lead

Yes, I am MAD…mad, crazy, insane and obsessed with Mad Men – my fantasy football team. Mad Men stands alone in the Number One slot of my NFL fantasy football league. Hallelujah, Hallelujah. First of all, let me throw this out…I know that no one cares one measly scrap about this in a world where Obamacare and Miley Cyrus are the very deserving key focus. Apologies, but just humor me.

I am claiming some bragging rights, even if it’s in a tiny window of fame. Anyone that plays fantasy football knows that I can easily be dethroned in the remaining weeks to come , and if that happens I will humbly concede and console myself with a major shopping spree. However, right now I am saying, “Bring it on.”

Flashback to four seasons ago, (I tell the tale in a previous blog: My Fantasy Football Addiction: More Fun than George Clooney). At that time I knew zip about fantasy football and on some maniacal whim decided to figure out how to get myself on a league. (To say My Sports Guy was wincing with skeptism is an understatement.)

To make a long story short:

My Fantasy Season #1: Amazingly finished in FIRST PLACE – do you believe it? Beginners’ luck – I don’t think so. I was convinced that I had found my purpose in life. I should be playing for money.

Fantasy Season #2: Finished a disappointing, but acceptable 5th Place. It’s hard to stay at the top. (Ask the 1908 Champion Cubs).

Fantasy Season #3: Miserably bottomed out. Not in last place, but close to it. Could I ever make a comeback? I needed therapy in order to go forward - or at least a patron saint of faux football. I thought about giving up, but "quitters never win and winners never quit."

Fantasy Season #4: Finally - I’ve got another crack at it. My team lost their first game - but they have won the last nine...what a streak! In Week #10 Mad Men toppled rival team, Byrnes Boys (guessing owner’s name is Byrne – men tend to name everything after themselves – their companies, their kids and their fantasy teams, but I digress).

Anyway, Byrnes Boys fell like a ton of bricks (94-67). Adrenaline rush just thinking about “Owner Byrne” cursing me out as he saw my Men pummel his Boys.

Also, adding to my ego trip, did I mention that the leagues I have hooked up with for the last three years are comprised of only First Place Winners from previous years. Yes, I am a mad, ELITE fantasy football player – head and shoulders above the rest of millions of players that have never experienced the highs of having a First Place (virtual) trophy sitting on their (virtual) trophy shelf.

Anyway, now I have to get serious . The pressure at hand is for my team to finish in the top four and be eligible for the two playoff games, and win both of those. Whewwww. I am sweating.

Luckily, NFL.com guides me along, gives me up-to-date info on injuries, point projections, videos, and a reports up the kazoo. Thank God.

However, now if I want to stay on top, I realize that I am going to have to add my “ace in the hole” to the mix.

I want to win all by myself, but just for insurance sake, I am going to have to seek the advice of My Sports Guru Guy. (I may be proud, but I’m not stupid.)

I am aware that even with all of the stats and NFL tips, I sometimes make emotional decisions. Like trading a player because his hair looks greasy. I want Mad Men to be good looking champions. Is there anything wrong with that?

Now I will be asking My Guy who I should I play, if I am in doubt. Predictably, he will then ask me what team the person in question will be playing. This is why I need his input. Inside My Guy’s Sports Brain, is a second level of football knowledge. Through some mysterious osmosis, he will spit out team data, such as…”they are a running team, and against the blah blah they will blah blah so go with this one.”

He knows about all of the teams – what place they are in their divisions, their player’s strengths and weaknesses…a walking wikipedia of football everything.

How does he knows all of this? Maybe, just maybe because he watches every football show and commentary, before the game, after the game, during the week – do you have any idea how many of these football shows with babbling Sports Heads are on each week? Not to mention listening to The Score (radio) with religious devotion. And, he reads not only the sports section in the Chicago papers, but also reads online sports news in all of the opposing team’s hometown. I am not kidding.

Since this is much more information that I would ever want to archive in my female brain – he will be my “go to guy.” Note: This is not cheating, the President has a cabinet, right?

My Kitchen Blackboard

My Kitchen Blackboard

In the next six weeks, I will be driving myself crazy and driving my Sports Guy crazy, living up to the fantasy "Monster" that he claims I have become. This week Mad Men are up against "Manziel's Middle Man (do you think his name is Manziel?) They are in 6th place with a 4-6 record. I am cautiously confident that we can ruthlessly annihilate them. Wish me luck.

Click here and you can check out my Mad Men line up. I would welcome any comments or suggestions from any Fantasy pros – I know you are out there. (Why did Calvin Johnson miss practice this week – should I be worried?).

And, bonus: If you subscribe to my Blog, and I finish again in First Place – you will be invited to Ditka’s restaurant in Chicago where we all be singing “We Are The Champions” and celebrating with Mike (Da Coach) himself. Steaks and martinis for everyone – My treat.

OK – scratch that – my fantasy world scenario is getting carried away. But there will be virtual high fives to all for sure. Go Mad Men.

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