Happened to watch a snippet of the NFL Today show on CBS before the Bears game last Sunday. The Talking Heads were (or so I thought) quizzing each other on football trivia.
Questions: “What city will the AFC Championship game be held in this year?
And “What team will get the first pick of the NFL draft in 2014?”
Later, when I posed these questions which I thought were legit to My Sports Guy thinking that I could possibly stump him – because he is a Sports Know-It-All, I found out that these were trick (ha ha) questions.
He informed my blonde brain in a gentle yet condescending way that those questions could not be answered until the end of the season when we know who the W I N N E R S and L O S E R S are, and the sports commentators were just messing around with predictions.
OK, I get it now. Thanks NFL Today for making me look stupid. But, the reality is that so many of the Sports Experts know way too much and are so consumed by the stats and scores and strategies that are stored in their football shaped brains. They are Jeopardy quality trivia geniuses, and this is really such a shocking waste of their Mensa level IQ. Just listen to them. Shouldn’t they be focusing on a cure for cancer or probing the theories of the universe?
Anyway, I am at the annual Bears Season Kickoff Party at the home of Chicago Social Diva and Chef Extraordinaire, Gloria the Hat and her "in charge of wagering" hubby, Bob.
It is a Roman orgy-like food and drink fest for a navy blue and orange wearing exuberant crowd.
Da Bears are winning and everyone is into the game – well it appears that way anyway. So, inspired by the TV faux quiz questions, I decided to conduct my own little football trivia quiz. Just a few simple questions.
First, I queried the Guy Fans. The results were predictable.
The men yelled out the correct answer, one after the other in a nanosecond, and all with the look of who wouldn’t know that. Ho hum.
Now, attesting to the Mars and Venus theory, the Gal Fans were a different story.
For the most part, when quizzed on simple football facts, they took on the deer in headlights look.
Q. Who played in the Super Bowl last year?
Gals Answer: Ran the gamut from…”Can’t remember,” “Have no idea,” To just throwing out random teams…”Cleveland and Pittsburgh” or “The Colts and The Saints.” Totally wild guesses - worth a try.
Guys Answer: In unison…”Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers, Baltimore won. The score was 34-31. What else do you want to know?”
They were definitely cocky.
Q. Name a famous Bear player that retired last year.
Gals Answer: “Oh wait…I know…I know”…But the best they could come up with was, “that bald guy.”
Guys Answer: “Brian Urlacher. Duh.” And then proceeded to throw in all kinds of blah blah about his career and stats until I had to shut them up.
Q. Who is the current coach of the Bears?
Gals Answer: Clueless, except for one woman who correctly and very proudly replied, “He’s from Canada.” She knew this because they recently had dinner with a couple from Canada and she remembered some talk about the new coach coming from Canada. Giving the ladies half a point on that one.
Guys Answer: Again their reply, “Marc Trestman” was given in a sing-song voice that implied, “Is there any Bear fan that wouldn’t know this?”
A Personal Side Note: Speaking of Marc Trestman: I checked him out on the post game show and whoa…I don’t think he looks so good. Kind of gaunt, and really, really skinny (especially because TV adds pounds.) Anyway, I am a little worried. So, note to the Marcster: Have a few donuts or chow down on some Chicago deep dish pizzas
Other Q & A’s followed with basically the same outcome, with one exception:
Q. Who is Jay Cutler married to?
Guys Answer: “Don’t know.” “Who cares.” Shoulder shrugs.
Gals Answer: They knew, of course. “Kristin Cav—something“ “Cavallari,” I prompted. “Oh yeah,” someone said. “She just got pulled over for not having an Illinois Driver’s license and they hauled her cute self off to the police station and she was totally pissed.” I said, “This was the first that I had heard of this.” How did I miss that? As you may remember, all “Jay and Kristin Couple News” totally intrigues me. (Read why we didn't go to their wedding and what my valentine gift suggestions for Jay to give Kristin were
Now, a flabbergasting revelation: During the course of my fun little half-time quiz, much to the astonishment of the men in the room, one of their own was outed.
When “Dwayne,” (not his real name) could not answer any of the very elementary (for a guy) sports questions, it became evident that he was an alien.
“OK, I confess,” "Dwayne" said. “I don’t know anything about football. I don’t know anything about sports. I don’t watch any games. I just am not interested. Never have been. Period. There – I’ve said it. I am in the 1%.”
I admired his self secure stance as the other male Sports Heads in the room gave a blank stare of disbelief.
A few days later, I am telling My Sports Guy (who had been out of town) about the Bears party and my sports quiz. Now, if he would have been there, he would have undoubtedly led the boy’s pack with his massive amount of sports knowledge. Again, wasted brain power.
Anyway, he is pretending to be listening to me as I am telling him the latest on Kristin Cavallari (although he has no clue who I’m talking about). And then I said, “Guess what – you know “Dwayne?” He hates sports. He knows nothing about sports. Has absolutely no interest whatsoever, and never has.”
Now, he gives me “The Look” that translates to “You’re kidding.”
Reading his mind, I repeated, “Absolutely true. He admitted it.”
No reply, he just shook his head, probably feeling sorry for Dwayne. My Guy is watching the loser Cubs, no doubt storing info in the archives of his Sports Brain in case there is a quiz.
Another Side Note: Not that anyone cares. First week of NFL Fantasy Football: My team, “Mad Men” lost by 14 points. Damn it. Week 2 is a must win. I’m playing Jay Cutler as my QB. I hope wife Kristin has calmed down from her incident and gives the Jayster a lot of "lovin" beforehand. I need him to be loose as a goose on Sunday.