Why We Did Not Go To The Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari Wedding

 

Finally.  They did it. Chicago Bears Quarterback, Jay Cutler and  former reality TV personality, Kristin Cavallari have a piece of paper to seal their yes-no-maybe (and along came baby) love story.  Now, as you might know, I have given our sometimes mopey QB some do or die advice via this blog…read   "Jay Cutler: Happy Birthday and By The Way I am Anxiously Awaiting My Invitation to Your Wedding."   Remember this guy texted a marriage proposal among other romantic faux pas – need I say more?

I am assuming that my gentle prodding of this blunderpuss (and I say that with affection) transformed him into the right-on traditional fiancé, in preparation for his model hubby role.  Your welcome.

So, you would think that with my ongoing devoted interest (also see this "Shout Out to Jay"), we would have definitely been among the honored wedding guests.  Why didn’t we attend?  Well, apparently our invitation was lost in the mail.  Or maybe the trendy couple just sent out texts and I mistakenly deleted it.  Whatever.  Disappointed.

So, after pouting for a few days, I put my “Dress and Shoes that I’m Wearing to Jay and Kristen’s Wedding” back in the closet.  Remember the movie Field of Dreams?  The “build it and they will come” philosophy?

I was left to view the festivities vicariously on the internet.  And, just as I was focusing on my Google search, My Sports Guy walked into the room.

“What’s going on?” he mumbled.

“The Cutler wedding, I replied.

Of course, I have his attention on that one…

“Are we really going?” he asks.

His wishful Sports Brain. for a nanosecond. thought it could be happening.  I have been brainwashing him along these lines for some time now.  We had already had the conversation about how it would not be appropriate for  him to present a football for Jay to autograph in the receiving line.

“They had the wedding last week.  We didn’t get an invitation.  Obviously an oversight.”  I was matter of fact.

“Obviously.”  His one word reply was cautiously sarcastic.

Now, I am overwhelmed by pages of wedding photos and descriptions of the wedding blah blah.

Here it is in a heart shaped nutshell:

The Venue:  Nashville, Tennessee  A down-home, Southern – y’all come (except for us) kinda casual event

The Bride:  Kristin looked absolutely lovely in a strapless white wedding gown (not an ounce of back fat).

The Groom:   Grey suit with pale pinkish tie.  He went with the 5 O’Clock Shadow look.  (She got him to the altar, but she couldn’t make him shave.  Baby steps, Kristen.)

The Bridesmaids: Basic

Baby Son Camden:  Wheeled down the aisle in a wagon (cute)

The Church:  Woodmont Christian – Norman Rockwell quaint, complete with steeple…and this is soooo impressive.  This church was rated #1 on her List of Best Churches in the South endorsed by none other than Martha Stewart.

I let this info sink in.  Seriously?  Martha Stewart, famed cook, crafter, decorator and former inmate is also an Endorser of Churches?  Can anybody be an Endorser?  Can I be an Endorser? Can you make money being an Endorser? Can I endorse wine bars? Or has Martha sucked up that category, too?

Then, my opportunistic mind snaps back to the wedding.

The Reception:  Nearby historic warehouse.  Warehouse?  150 Guests (I’m sure that a warehouse could have accommodated 152 for God’s sake)

Menu:  Southern “Comfort” food.  Biscuits and Ribs.  (No comment.)

Entertainment:  Motown (I love Motown….damn.)

Apparently, a good time was had by all.  Oh well.  Congratulations to the happy couple.

Fast forward to an upcoming event.  We  have just purchased tickets for Jay and Kristin’s charity event  for diabetes on July 18th at Joe's Bar on Weed Street in Chicago--  It's an 80's theme party --  A wonderful cause and we are looking forward to supporting it.  Details here if you would like to attend also.  (I’m sure the Cutler’s will be charming, and obviously if Kristin and I should get a chance to chit chat – we’ll become BFF’s.  Obviously.)

Oh, and one more wedding detail:

The Rings:

Hers – an elegant ring of diamonds

His – a manlier black band

In fact, Kristin had said that wearing it will be an adjustment for Jay since “He has never, ever worn a ring before.”

Really?  Well, guess what…By February 2014, all of Chicago is going to want our Newlywed QB to be wearing Two Rings.  How about it, Jay?  Let’s bling it up.  Go Bears.

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