Jay Cutler, fearless quarterback for our Chicago Bears, recently re-proposed to his girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari. The couple had been engaged, broke up, reunited, got pregnant, and had a beautiful baby boy last August. Sometimes things happen like that, but all’s well that ends well.
Anyway, Kristin recently told the press that when Jay popped the question for the second time he did it via text message…ouch. And, then he mailed her the engagement ring…ouch again. A real Romeo, that Jay. You can’t get much more romantic than that. I am being facetious.
All right, all right, I am going to cut our football guy some slack. Although, on the field, fans have a love/hate relationship with JC, this is personal and I will not judge.
After all, this is the second go round and maybe he outdid himself the first time – whispered those four life changing words on bended knee, with violins serenading, professing his undying love with promises of for always and ever, with passionate kisses (just like on “The Bachelor.”)
Because, this is what everyone woman dreams of – so the second time around maybe it was just a “been there done that” thought process – and besides, she can save the text forever (or at least until her phone crashes).
But Jay, listen up – today is February 14th Valentine’s Day and this whole convenient texting your love thing has to be over. Trust me, don’t push the Valentine envelope. You still have plenty of time (technically until midnight). So, here is what I am thinking:
Have you seen the commercial for the Pandora Charm Bracelet? Probably not. I doubt if it’s played on ESPN. Anyway, the commercial shows a luvy duvy couple having a very romantic dinner…wine and candlelight…all goo goo eyed, and he is giving her this Pandora Charm Bracelet.
It has all of these little charms that you can pick out individually to show how much every special moment that you have shared means to you. And, I am telling you; in the commercial this guy is really scoring major points. The woman is over the top ecstatic.
So, Jay, put down the playbook and get yourself out to the nearest jeweler that carries the Pandora Charm Bracelet. At the jewelers, you will then proceed to pick out the charms for your soon to be gushing Kristin. There are literally hundreds of choices. I know that this sounds like a lot of work, but trust me once again, this is your chance to recoup.
Now, you must select several meaningful, symbolic and personal charms.
Here are your guidelines:
1. Do NOT get the cellphone charm – no reminders of your lazy proposal.
2. Do NOT get any charm related to the US Postal Service – no reminders of the engagement ring delivery method.
3. Do NOT get a football charm. This is not about you. It’s all about her.
4. Simple is good. Hearts are essential. XO’s will work. Definitely pick one that is “baby related”, she will love that.
5. Go with the 14K Gold, if possible. A few diamonds here and there will also be a nice touch.
6. Have the jeweler gift wrap it.
OK, now once you have made this all important redeeming purchase, you MUST go to the nearest, CVS or Walgreen’s (there is one on every corner) to purchase your Hallmark Valentine’s Day card. I repeat, no E-cards. Please, go all out – no skimping. Get something really mushy and then (big tip here) underline all the love references, add some explanation points, and write a few words…this will seal the deal.
Later tonight when you present beautiful Kristin with your special gift and romantic card, she will be overflowing with love and appreciation and she will vow to wear it every day. (Well, maybe not, only because I hear that she has her own jewelry line, and she needs to market her stuff – not Pandora’s. But don’t take this personally, that’s just business.)
The important thing is you are now Romantic Jay, instead of Proposal Texter Jay. Thank you, Peggy. Hopefully, she will tell the press.
OK Jay, my work is done. This is your Hail Mary Pass for the touchdown. Good luck.
Back on the home front, I turn to my Sports Guy and remind him out of necessity, “Don’t forget to buy me a Valentine’s Day Card.”
He gives me a blank look. “When is Valentine’s Day?” he asks.
“Today, darling,” I sigh.
So, I know that he will be headed at some point (he has until midnight) to CVS or Walgreens where he will be huddled with all of the other males at the card counter, looking through their over picked options searching for their mandatory symbolic love notes, thinking that a text would be a lot easier.
But these well trained men know better.
Maybe he’ll run into Jay.