Why The Men of Sunday NFL Countdown Totally Outshine The Ladies of The View

Sundays just haven’t been the same. No Bears. No Fantasy Football. No last minute scrambles to Soldier Field. We will watch the Playoffs – but it’s really bittersweet. Atlanta…San Francisco…Baltimore…New England. Really not much to get excited about. No Midwest teams are left. The Cheeseheads are storing their wedges in bubble wrap and all our Bears apparel is regrettably stowed away.

However…speaking of clothing…I AM left with one entertaining obsession. It is always fascinating for me to check out what the Sunday Men of Sports are wearing. Not the Players – the Sports Commentators. I call them the Talking Heads. And they are always REALLY WELL DRESSED Talking Heads.

We are still in bed on Sunday morning (nothing to do), having coffee, reading the paper and halfheartedly watching Sunday NFL Countdown. This particular panel of Sports Guys is a quintet on ESPN (although all of the Sports Shows have pretty much the same copycat format.)

I like to watch this show so I can see My Guy’s Best Buddy – IRON MIKE. Anyway, Ditka and the others are being their usual talking head selves….babbling about this quarterback – that coach – yadda yadda.

But what they don’t tell you is What Went Down ---- probably last night? I’m pretty sure it goes something like this:

Chris: Hello Mike? It’s Chris. So, what are you wearing tomorrow?
Mike: Not sure. Have you talked with the other guys?
Chris: Yeah. And I think we’re going with Purplish.
Mike: I like that. We haven’t done purple for a while.
Chris: I'm going to go with a pink shirt and a purple tie.
Mike: I think that we’re all going with some shade of purple tie, but I am thinking about more of a deep mauve shirt, what do you think?
Chris: That’s cool ... as long as we all blend. That’s our deal. So no Browns or Reds – got it?
Mike: Got it. Laying out the duds now, as we speak. See ya tomorrow.

If you have ever watched any one of the Pre-Game/Post-Game Talking Head’s Babblefests – you would have to agree. This is definitely the kind of Coordinated Conversation that has to take place every week. WHY? Because they NEVER clash. What are the odds on that? It’s definitely a well-planned color conspiracy.

So, this morning, I am watching the show and scoping out the fashion statement du jour, and I announce to My Guy, “They went with Purplish today.”

His head pops up at the TV as he strains to hear what’s going on. “What?” Who is Purplish?” He’s definitely confused, thinking that there is maybe some quarterback or wide receiver named Joe or Bob Purplish that he hasn’t heard of. Ha ha.

"No honey, I explain. “That’s the Predetermined Color Theme of the Day…you know, for their pricey outfits.”

He gives me The Look and silence. Apparently, my fashion observations aren’t worthy of a prolonged chit chat.

"I really admire these guys,” I marvel. “They look great – all five of them –a perfect in sync color blend right down to the purplish hanky triangles peeking out of their breast pockets.”

"Do you know who could take a lesson from these impeccably blended men? Do you know? Huh?” I keep repeating myself, because he is ignoring me. “Do you know?” Finally, I get a mumbled but somewhat annoyed “No, Who?”

"The Ladies of the View – that’s who. I’m tired of looking at their mismatched outfits – absolutely no color coordination there. But then again, they have Whoopee to deal with and she has the fashion sense of a frog…and Joy wears the same black pants every single day,” and now I am just rambling on and on…

Then, My Sports Guy looks at me with kind of a blank stare – and for a second, I think that I have his attention and he’s going to totally agree with me and maybe chime in about Barbara or Elizabeth…

But his reply is, “Goddamn it – We should have beaten Seattle…We had the game…all we had to do is hold them and then they went down the field for over 90 yards in overtime”…and now he is just rambling on and on.

So we are both babbling…and I realize that it might be an exciting Football Sunday for some fans, but obviously - we’ve got nothing. Go Bulls.

Leave a comment