My Fantasy Football Addiction: More Fun than George Clooney

It’s over.  My 2012 Fantasy Football Team is spiraling down into the black abyss of no return.  My Virtual Team has once again toyed with my emotions and left me in a disappointing heap.

     Three years ago, we were in a bar watching a pre-season Bears game and the talk around us was about Fantasy Football. Now, I had heard of it – but I had absolutely NO IDEA what Fantasy Football actually was. 

     So I turned to my Sports Guy and asked a string of questions…”What is it?” ‘How do you play it?” “Do you bet money?”  I think I EVEN asked, “Can women play?” Seriously, and this was 2010 – what’s wrong with me?

     He just gave me The Look, along with a patronizing pat on the hand.  “I don’t think it’s for you, honey, it can get complicated,” he whispered.   That translated into…”Your very challenged Female Sports Comprehension is NOT going to understand the strategy, and you’re going to be asking me a million questions every week, which means you’re going to be a REAL PAIN IN THE ASS.” FORGETABOUTIT.

     I gave him The Look back – silent, but confident…rising to the challenge. “ I’m doing it,” I thought.

     The very next day NFL.Com took me gently by the hand and walked me through the World of Fantasy Football, and my addiction began.

     “So guess what the name of my Fantasy Team is?” I nonchalantly asked him that night.  His head spun around.  “You have a team, seriously?  You’re kidding.”  “Yep, have a Team. It’s LovieBears. All signed up and good to go.”  He started asking questions…”Who’s your quarterback?” Who’s your Defense?” Blah blah blah.  I answered decisively from my Cheat Sheet.  (I wasn’t going to MEMORIZE all these names).

     So – bam – he joined another League and set up his team.  I was excited.  We could compete.

     The first week was a disaster.  I lost miserably.  Didn’t know what the hell I was doing – didn’t hit “submit” or some other technical screw-up. Played with half a team. After week # 1,  I was in last place in my league…but I was determined. 

     As the weeks went by – I got the hang of it – started winning against my formidable opponents.  Of course, My Guy was winning too – it was fun – we were having friendly, spirited rivalry.  I loved it.  I was hooked.

The LovieBears soon were marching into the “playoffs”.  End of the Season… 

                   GUESS WHO FINISHED IN FIRST PLACE IN HER LEAGUE!?! 

                                  YES – I DID IT! THE LOVIEBEARS WON

     Can you believe it? 

     I was even awarded a Virtual Trophy that is stilled visible in a Virtual Trophy Room on the internet that I am able to show to my disinterested grandkids.

     Upon my victory, my very competitive Sports Guy mumbled his congratulations, and then said he was going out to walk the dog.  We don’t have a dog.  I guess he just needed to escape my merciless GLOATING.  Realizing his ego might be a tiny bit bruised,  I was empathetic to his less than Championship finish, (I believe he came in 2nd) and I tried not to mention my victory  more than 5-6 times a day.

     OK – I’ will admit something here.  My winning was a total Fluke.  Beginner’s Luck and my eenie meenie minee moe strategy somehow managed to trump all the Serious Sports Brains of my nine other All Male competing team owners. But, as they say, a win is a win.

     It appears that Fantasy Football has many layers – like an onion.  Sorry, but all I really want to tax my Girly Brain with is that first outer layer – I don’t seem to have the mental energy for anything beyond that.  For example, if I am looking for a Wide Receiver to replace one of my players who is injured or on a Bye Week (a vacation week given to all of the teams once a season)…  I would be staring at the screen, and I’d ask My Honey, “Should I go with this player or that player?”  I might do a coin flip to make my decision, but his Male in-depth knowledgeable, beyond the first onion layer reply is, “I would go with so and so from New England, because YOU KNOW – they throw so much.  WOW – did he think that I would really KNOW that New England throws a lot?  Was my credibility somehow elevated?  How could I ever keep all of the teams and what they do a lot of in my head?

     See – another layer of the onion.  The same when he informatively instructs me with something like…”It depends on what TEAM your Defense is playing.”  Seriously?  I do not think that I will reach this level of selection rationale in this lifetime. I started much too late.  So, yes, I’ll admit to LUCK as the deciding factor in my 1st Place Finish in my Rookie Year.

     In 2011, still reeling from my Lucky Championship Year, I opted to join a league comprised of all former 1st Place Trophy Holders.  Hah – How cocky and stupid was that?  I still managed to hold my own and finished with an amazing – considering - fifth place.  However this year – 2012 – looks like an ugly 8th or 9th place.  Not very respectable for a former Champion. Sigh.

     My Luck has fizzled and it’s been two years of a downhill ride. My Guy has had to listen to my rants and frequent  pissed off bleeping and console me when I would go from winning a game big time to losing by a few measly points – like this week:  Final Score: LovieBears 86.94 and DaTeam 87.74.   He talks about…”creating a monster”.

  All I can say is it’s tough when you start out at the Top.  Now my Fantasy Team has gone the way of the “Wait Till Next Year” mantra.  And, my Fantasy World will just have to segue to thoughts of George Clooney…although, George -  truthfully – after all of this fun -you’re just not floating my boat like you used to.  LovieBears in 2013.  That’s where the excitement is.

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