Men, why it's so darn difficult to put down the toilet seat?

It happened again. I had a big scare last night. I was on the verge of falling hard, very hard. It all happened in a nanosecond. My heart skipped a beat, I hit my elbow against the tub, I invoked a saint in hopes he’d save me from falling and then I started cursing. There was a bit of commotion, then, complete calm. I was saved from falling into the toilet. Yes, the man I sleep with, left the toilet seat up again, for the millionth time.

I wonder if this sounds familiar to anyone. I wonder if this is a lifetime headache that women who live with men need to endure forever. I know, you’re probably reading this and thinking this should go on top of the “stupidity scale list” thinking that I should be worried about other things in the relationship. I agree, I do focus on other important things, except that I don’t think that it’s fair that if you wake up half sleep in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, you are involuntarily weaken up because you almost fell into the toilet. What a pain in the butt -no pun intended.

Am I being too dramatic? Maybe. Am I being inconsiderate? Absolutely not. In this case, I’d say the inconsiderate one would be any man - including my husband, that just decides to ignore the fact that the there’s toilet seat etiquette, and that it needs to be followed, especially if you share a house with women.

See, here’s my issue with this: I think that when you share a house with someone you have to show courtesy and consideration for all. Putting the seat down is not something that requires much effort, thought or love. Yet, this is something that continues to escape the mind of many men (cannot generalize, of course). This is something that has been happening at our house lately, fortunately, it’s not affecting my state of mind. Or is it? If my husband was the only one using the bathroom in our room, I would care less, but we happen to share that one. Actually, we use all three at home and leaving the seat up is not a good thing! Let me make it clear: it’s not about hygiene; in our house the toilet seat is wiped and cleaned after each use, but for some reason the seat and the lid are not often put down. When you have a dog, a baby and a wife that looks like is sleep walking in the middle of the night when going to the bathroom, maybe a little bit of consideration would be good. Putting the seat down and closing the lid is about courtesy; Men: it’s the nice thing to do. Now, if I were to choose one, then please, make it putting the seat down all the time. If my husband or son want to flush the toilet with the lid open and capture all those germs sent into the air, it’s their call.

I still remember the nice days...there use to be a time where I really enjoyed life when the toilet seat in each bathroom in our house was down AND even with the lid closed. Then, I guess there was a revolution that I must have missed and the toilet seat began to be up, most of time. Wiped and always clean, but up. I don’t know why it changed. I regularly would acknowledge it hoping that it would never go away. I loved it and although that’s not something that you go around telling people, I secretly enjoyed the fact that in our house, we did not have that issue. But then it changed. I guess it was time to start following the norm and become part of the movement of men leaving the toilet seat up. Bad movement, don't like it.

Husband says that when you use the bathroom IN YOUR HOUSE, you adapt it to you, in this case as a man, he needs the seat up. Then when done, flush, clean and that’s it. Seat is left up, along with the lid. All rightly. I think it sounds sweet and dandy except that I think that if the toilet seat is down and with the lid closed when you’re about to use the bathroom, then, when done, that’s how you leave it, exactly as you found it. Common courtesy, I say. By the way, credit when credit is due: every now and then I found it exactly as I leave it: sit and lid down. Joy, total joy.

Given that I’m almost traumatized by those near-fall events, I’ve started thinking about what I can do to keep my sanity; actually, I began a few years ago:

I decided not to sweat such little thing (but as you can see, sometimes I can’t help it!). When you’re married or living with someone, compromise becomes a key action word. I compromised on this, he compromised on others. In my case, I decided not to fight that battle after accepting that my husband’s reasoning behind that was not going to change, but what is more important, it’s not hurting me in any way (except for the sudden scare and aggravation suffered at times), plus it’s something easy to solve: I either avoid using the bathroom in our bedroom or just ignore it when I see it. It’s important to me, but not a deal braker.  It’s not been easy, but I’ve learned to let it go (ninety-eight percent of the time). There are times, just like last night that even though I don’t want to give it any importance, it drives me crazy. I’d rather be waken up by an alarm clock than by a near-fall, or a moment of aggravation because the toilet seat was not put down.  Also, I’ve started teaching the 9 year old at home what I consider the norm: after using the bathroom, the seat goes down, the lid is closed, then you flush. That’s it. Simple and very considerate for the rest of the people living under the same roof.

In marriage, you learn to pick your battles, and although there was never a time where we almost headed to our own world war because of the toilet seat, every now and then I feel like I need to get it off my chest, that’s the way I can keep putting up with it given that it’s something that I find really bothersome.

No, I don't see men getting into the good habit of putting the sit down anytime soon; there are more important things to focus on. I get it. What I see though, is that I need to start saving money so we can include -as part of a home renovation, the installation of an automated toilet that I saw the other day advertised on TV: one that automatically puts the sit down and closes the lid after flushing it. That would be wonderful to end my occasional aggravation, I just hope that my husband and son don’t get into the habit of not flushing the toilet, then, I’ll be doomed.




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