My marriage failed – probably for lots of different reasons – but we had a couple major successes. First of all, we created two insanely beautiful children. Teamwork, there. Then we worked as a team to save the life of the second one. I mean, the team was actually HUGE but, you know, we were integral.
Creating those babies was a piece of cake. We were quite the fertile couple. Fertile enough to get pregnant four times total.
I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant very easily. After all, I had been sexually active for about 15 years at that point and had never accidentally gotten pregnant even though I had done many, many, dumb, careless things. Things I really hope my daughter never does. Somebody have a talk with her about that, will ya?
Then, the summer after we got married, we decided to try for a baby. Cause I was 34 and it might take a really long time and we needed to get on the stick. he he he he We tried for a month – diligently having unprotected sex every other day like good little newlyweds. And there was no baby at the end of all that hard work. That proved to me that my suspicions were correct. Panic. Sadness. We tried again the following month but it was half-hearted because he would be leaving the country during the week that some random computer program had calculated was my most fertile time.
I called him in Scotland to tell him we were pregnant.
That was Bunny.
When Bunny was about to turn 2 we started trying again. We tried for one month and got pregnant. BAM! I took the pregnancy test on Mother’s Day. My own mother had passed away a few months before. It was nice news to get on a sad day. But the second line was faint so the next day I took the test again - just to be sure. The second line was even more faint. I called my ObGyn to ask what that meant even though I already knew...
We immediately tried again the following month and immediately became pregnant. BA BLAM! This one came complete with two and a half months of morning sickness and an appointment where I heard the heartbeat and got my swag bag of prenatal vitamin samples and instructions.
HOWEVER, the heartbeat had been slow. My doctor felt that this could be explained by the baby simply being younger than I thought it was. She said I was maybe off on the date because the heartbeat was very strong – it was just slow. I agreed because I wanted that to be true. I went home and was tentatively excited. We went out for dinner to celebrate and then it hit me – mid-bite – that I was not wrong about the dates. I wasn’t. He was out of town when she believed I had conceived the baby.
I called. She scheduled an ultrasound. The heartbeat was gone.
There’s a whole long sordid story about how that baby stuck around for another month or so and then left - suddenly, painfully, and unexpectedly - while I was on a public beach. I’m not gonna go into it right now, though. Cause ugh.
Two months later we tried again and got Pip. It was for the best the way it all happened. Because what would I do without Pip?
The point is this: even when it’s fairly easy, it isn’t easy to make a family. And sometimes it is super duper hard.
A couple friends of mine are hoping to adopt a baby. They have been trying for a while and have had no luck yet. YET. But they made an adoption video because the internet is a powerful tool and it is working to connect people in lots of life-changing ways.
So how it works is that they put the video out there and then the people they know share it…and then those people share it….and then those people share it. You know, like that old shampoo commercial (did I just date myself?) And somewhere along the way, a connection is made.
It’s a lovely video. Please watch it. PLEASE share it. This is your opportunity to choose hope and do something selfless and positive. And you don’t even have to get up off your butt!
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