I’m a big proponent right now of just doing what you gotta do to be happy. Just be happy. Life is short and it can turn on a dime and you know what you like to do so you oughta just do it. And you oughta be able to do it without feeling embarrassed about it even if what you like to do is really dorky. You oughta be able to not worry about being judged every time you use Spotify because you know your song choices are gonna end up in everybody's newsfeed. You oughta be able to have somebody over without running through the house and hiding the evidence of whatever it is that you love that somebody else may or may not get. Guilty pleasures. Embrace them.
Here are 10 of mine.
1) Heavy Metal Videos. Sometimes, late at night, I search U-Tube for heavy metal videos that I used to watch when I was in high school. Then I inevitably end up watching interviews with some of the band members – most recently Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue – and thinking things like “Awwww. He seems like a good guy.”
2) Barbershop. If I’m not doing that, I sometimes watch U-Tube videos of Barbershop Quartets. I like OC Times a lot. They seriously ring that last chord, by the way. If Barbershop is done right, and they are holding a note, and all 4 of them are perfectly in tune, you can hear other notes in the chord that aren't actually being sung. Listen for it at the very end. Its kind-of freakin' AMAZING.
3) Admiring myself. I have defined abdominal muscles for the first time in my life - nothing crazy but, you know, noticeable...to me - since I began a workout regimen 9 months ago of doing push-ups and sit ups every time I feel angry. I admire them whenever I happen to be passing a mirror. I worry a little bit that once the dust settles and I feel less angry, I will lose them. It seems like I may have to make a point of getting angry more often and at more people. Maybe just randomly and for no good reason like that one dude on our condo board. Because anger makes me pretty.
4) Anything that isn't cleaning. My house is always messy and I used to lie and say “I’m sorry. It’s not usually like this” whenever someone would come over. People stopped buying that one after awhile. Now I say “I’m sorry. It always looks like this…and sometimes it’s way worse so you’re in luck.” One of Bunny’s friends asked me why my house was messy and I said “Because I am capable of tremendous things. I excel at things much bigger than housekeeping.” I was really relieved she didn't ask for a list of what those things might be.
5) Facebook et al. I am tragically addicted to Facebook. It’s enough of a problem that if I really need to get things done, I have to deactivate my account for a few days. I also have a tendency to shop online and then close down the screen before I actually purchase anything. It's kinda like window shopping but without the best friend/love interest and the musical montage. It’s a pretty big time suck. There are much more productive things I could do with my time but, you know, 30% off at Old Navy through Sunday, ya’ll!
6) RAOK. I like to feed other people’s parking meters that have expired as a random act of kindness but now the Chicagoland area has almost completely switched to these electronic pay stations where you print out a receipt and put it on your dash. So now I can’t be kind to a stranger without first breaking into his car. I could find another thing to do to be kind but that would take a lot of effort so now I’m just not nearly as nice as I used to be. I feel OK about it, though, because technically it isn't my fault.
7) Because I just sat here for 15 minutes making this list, I didn't clean the bathrooms. This is pretty gross because Pip has some serious aim issues that I have yet to fully address. That’s not so much a guilty pleasure as it is something that just makes me feel guilty. Though it was a pleasure not cleaning the bathrooms.
8) Indulging bad habits. Either one or both of my kids sleeps in my bed every single night except Friday. I like to pretend I find this annoying but I actually really like it.
9) Shiny things. I am a Christmas fanatic and never understood why so many people become depressed over the holidays. Now I totally get it. I mean I reeeeeeeeeeally, reeeeeeeeeeeally get it. I try to counteract the melancholy by adding another decoration that lights up or sparkles. It’s gonna look like a disco in here pretty soon. I've already implemented a cover charge but those cheapskates that Bunny hangs with never seem to have cash.
10) Google Analytics. I like to check to see how many people have hit this blog and where they live. I made this list because I have now been told twice that lists get more hits than essays. I like to write essays. I don't particularly want to write lists. I’m totally gonna be checking Google Analytics to see if this list gets more hits than other stuff I've written. It’s like a science experiment, you guys! I’m gonna get a foam core tri-fold board and present my hypothesis really soon.*
OK. It's kind-of an embarrassing list. And there are more, of course. And, yes, in case you were wondering, I realize I'm a nerd. But I also have a tattoo and combat boots. It’s all about balance.
*Not really…unless you think it would go viral or something.