Spoiler Alert: Do not read if you haven’t seen American Horror Story: Coven Season 3, Ep. 11 – “Protect the Coven.”
“As the next supreme I’m going to bring this coven out of the dark ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.” – Madison
I believe this is the episode where the writers of American Horror Story: Coven officially gave up. Since the previous ten episodes have made no sense nor formed any logical plot, what exactly they gave up on remains a mystery. But whatever passes for cohesive thought in the AHS writers room clearly left the building when the time came for “Protect the Coven” to be written.
After weeks of radio silence, the show was suddenly awash with previously thought dead and actually dead characters. Queenie crashed Nan’s funeral with Madame LaLaurie on a leash. Apparently it takes more than a shot to the head or decapitation to kill these bitches.
So we were treated to a lengthy look at the twisted pleasures of Madame LaLaurie. And why not? Its not like we’re three episodes away from the finale and now would be a good time for some sort of plot to emerge or anything. No, lets just continue to wander aimlessly from scene to scene and throw in a few gross outs to keep our scary movie cred.
Next up was the butler formally known as a mute. He popped back up in spirit form to trick LaLaurie into getting Laveau out of his way so he could steal the baby for his doll collection. So now I’m reminded of the greatness of season one while being subjected to the giant snooze that is season three. Awesome.
Remember when I was convinced Coven had found a direction with the witch hunter storyline? Remember how exciting that was? Well, that was wrapped right up in a bloody red bow. Fiona called in her ghost lover to hack the witch hunters up. So that problem is solved. Of course the problem of a show without a plot still rages on.
I suppose the only forward momentum to carry us through the next two episodes is the question of who will be the next supreme. Is this an answer I’m at all invested in? No, but… actually, that about sums it up.
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