I'm a moody person. Not bipolar, just moody. This is not a fact that even my closest friends are aware of because oddly enough, it usually surfaces when I'm with someone I know more intimately like a boyfriend or someone I feel shameless with like a family member. To good friends, they might perceive it as an attitude or a meanness. And no, it's not a meanness associated once a month with my period. I'd argue I am extremely nice those days because I'm usually doped up on pills.
Anyway, I wanted to use this strange, not at all flattering fact about me to segue into two things. One, to do the opposite of what is typically done on social media, which is to hide our flaws and show only what we like about ourselves, and two, to talk about the uselessness of apologizing for one's behavior. Well, uselessness is the wrong word, proposing a better solution may fit better.
There's a funny thing that happens at libraries that you might be familiar with. Someone walks up to a librarian at the reference desk but before they ask their question, they apologize for bothering the librarian even though it is their job to answer questions. Either you are this person, or you know someone who is.
I'm that person. The person who apologizes even when I'm bumped into. I'm the person who says sorry if you're having a bad day even when I had no apparent control over it (might also just be compassion). I'm that person who often approaches an employee prefacing a question with an apology. And for a long time, I've been apologizing for my moods and actively trying to correct them. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but that's because I've always thought there was something wrong with me. Then, after one too many apologies, my silly, kind, and unbelievably patient boyfriend told me to stop. He told me I didn't need to apologize, that what I needed to work on was accepting me.
There is something to be said about that statement. I had been apologizing for myself for so long that it hadn't occurred to me that those ups and downs could be my normal. That maybe my time would be better spent if I worked on accepting myself rather than beating myself up for, well, being human. I've also read that it's more effective to act your way out of a funky mood than it is to think your way out of it so that your mood will align with your body instead of the other way around.
The purpose of this post for me, I guess is to encourage you to have fresh eyes on some of your own flaws, no, screw that, not flaws, but areas that need more attention. Someone helped me approach an issue of mine differently. How can you accept yourself but still work toward making progress? New year's resolution or not, self-progress should be year-round and continuous. And it's possible, even if you put your worst foot forward. Here are some other things I need to work on:
-Reading texts before I send them
-Not being so bossy
-Picking my cat Rex up less because I want a cug (cat + hug)
-Being more articulate
-Stop being so hard on myself
-Stop procrastinating getting spray for Timmie's kitty halitosis
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