Are you settling for the person you're with?

I am tired of settling.

You know what I'm really tired of? Seeing happy couples and happy people with their perfect locks and perfect teeth kissing perfect lips and pretty faces with perfect jobs and perfect families and zero money issues.

You know what I'm tired of? Being concerned with the lives of these perfect people when I should be focusing on people who really matter and not on the people that flaunt their happiest moments but can give a shit about anyone else and let's be real, most of us if not all fall under this category.

Being 23 is fucking hard and I know what you're going to say because I'm telling it to myself, life is fucking hard and so many people have it worse so be thankful but I can't because no matter the person, their socioeconomic status, race, or gender, everyone has fucking problems and are entitled to feel so in their own right.

Being 23 is hard in this epoch because there is social media and media itself that stress an unattainable measure of perfection and therefore, instill this idea in everyone and have set higher standards that are harder to reach and ascertain.

In essence, if everyone is fighting to be different but what we do and are as beings, are compared to others, aren't we ultimately becoming the same? How is one to succeed and "make it," as it were, if everyone is in the same fight but against you not with you?

And why the fuck is it so hard to find a decent guy lately? I was at a store and saw a guy who I think was hitting on me the last time I was there and insisted this time again on ringing me up and when he offered I said something along the lines of, "Here I thought chivalry was dead, " and he says, "What's that?" He wasn't a guy on a workers visa from Slovakia or some shit, he was an educated guy in his early 20s and he couldn't even begin to tell me what chivalry meant.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect because shit I am far from, but this is my rant so here it is. I ask you, fellow people, where the fuck is chivalry? Wait, what is chivalry? Why is it so hard these days to find someone genuine. Someone who isn't an addict, married, a cheater, a user, a womanizer, a perv, a jerk, a a a---???

You know what I'm ashamed of tonight? That I've unintentionally fucked with someones mind so badly and for a few months too long because I couldn't settle on what I wanted. Settle. There's another one of those words. Ever know any couples and ask them separately why they stay with one another? I have. You know what one of my closest friends told me? "Because I don't think I'll find anyone else who will love me."

That fucking breaks my heart to think that this is the way we think. I don't know about men but this is how a lot of girls I know feel. We settle down with someone who makes us content but not happy, learn to accept their bad habits in hopes that they will one day change when the only person that is changing is us for accepting something we're not used to.

How many people settle for the people that they are with and why? Because they don't think they are worth more, won't find love again, accidentally got pregnant by them, liked their money, got used to the habit of being around them....why? Humans are so fucking complex, how could we live like this?

You know the one thing that I am proud of tonight?

That I finally admitted that I am no longer the same girl I was when I was 16. That I have grown into a woman who no longer expects as little as she did back then. That just like Alice, I cannot be sure of who I am because I am not the same person I was when I woke up this morning. I am smarter and I hope that I will not make the same mistakes that I have been making. I will wait for prince charming even if that's passé and outlandish because I fucking deserve what I want. We all do.

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