There are so many valid and totally true reasons why my mom is cooler than your dad, which is why I am going to put your daddy-o to shame.
I find that it is indeed important to note that my mom is a single mother and has been for the past seventeen years of my “wow, now I feel old,” life. I’m not going to give you an epic rant about my mom being a single mother and her struggles yata yata yata but I will give you an epic rant about why she is an awesome single mom and better than a lot of dads. I haven’t spoken to my seed-giving father for over 12 years now but my mom never lets me feel the emptiness of what I am supposedly suppose to have to be considered a part of a complete family. I mean no offense to anyone so don’t get your pantaloons in a knotski, people. This goes out to you, momma. My daddy.
Reasons Why my Mom is Cooler than your Dad
- She wakes me up this morning and starts singing a made up “Happy Father’s Day” song to herself with the lyrics ending after, “Happy Father’s Day.”
- My small Indian mother took me to a large Hispanic flea market and bought me a gorgeous shirt-- on Father’s Day.
- My small Indian mother speaks English, Hindi, Spanish, Urdu, Sanskrit, Guajarati, and a couple improperly pronounced polish words.
- She is genuinely scared of Photobooth and thinks the frog effect is improper as a look on a lady.
- She cooks amazing food and that equals happy belly.
- She runs her own business.
- She loves me even when I breakout and tear through the house in a mass hysteria searching for chocolate once a month.
- She has boobs. I feel improper saying this because she is my mother but I guess it’s a perk (haha, perk) when people meet her and all the more empowering because she kind of kicks more ass than your dad.
- When I came home with two kittens one day, she accepted them.
- She’s brutality honest, like by telling me that she thought one of my boyfriends was a fag.
- She wants to buy me a new car. Well, a new used car. Awesome anyway.
- She’s the man of the house, the breadwinner, the one who wears the pants and is still humble and not a crazy feminist, just a subtle one. She’s just so fucking great that I have to swear. Fucking.
- She’s been doing it all on her own since 1995.
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