I just read a post by Matt Walsh called "Dear single dudes: it's time to man up" and after reading it I was so moved by the piece I had to write about it.
You can read it here.
The message is clear. Men need to get married or at least define their relationships. As a lover of words, I couldn't agree more. It would be nice if every possible relationship that exists between a man and a woman had a specific word and these words were known to all.
However, these words don't exist or if they do, they are unknown.
But instead of Walsh encouraging men to build their vocabulary to be clearer in conversation (the article opens with a discussion with a friend lost for words when describing his relationship) or offering a list of words that would accurately describe various relationships, Walsh goes on a scathing attack of ambiguous relationships and challenges men to "grow up."
The article reads like a brand new member of a church who can't wait to tell everyone that he/she has been saved and that everyone needs to be saved too. It was clear to me that Walsh is newly married and now he's on the warpath.
As soon as the attack began, I set my sights on the words "sex" "courting" "dating" "monogamy" and "marriage." I knew these words would appear because those are the only words dudes who get on dudes ever know. They were all present except monogamy.
The backbone of the whole argument is sex. Walsh even makes it a point to state "Sex is something serious." What Walsh fails to realize is that sex divides humans into two major groups, The Abstinent and The Indulgent.
So the first question to Walsh, do the Abstinent need to man up too? Or is it only important to define the relationship because there's sex involved?
By the way, courting involved abstinence. The old school courting process that Walsh advocates, didn't include sex. It wasn't until after the courting process was over - marriage - that sex was introduced to the relationship.
There aren't many of The Abstinent out there being represented well on the net. Everyone is doing it. It's almost a foregone conclusion that everyone dating or hanging out is of The Indulgent.
Among The Indulgent there are two types: The Married and The Fornicator. Walsh's entire article is directed at the male Fornicator.
Second question for Walsh. Are you seriously asking Fornicators to be specific about the manner in which they fornicate?
And before anyone gets their heathen undies in a bunch, the word fornicate is not a religious word. It is the English word for sexual intercourse between individuals not married.
As with the words "gentleman" and "manipulate", the word fornicate and its variations, fornication, fornicating, fornicator, have lost their literal meaning and have been infused with so much human emotion that you will be hard pressed to find anyone that would openly and honestly describe their relationship as " fornication." But that's what it is.
Hanging out w/sex = fornication
Dating w/sex = fornication
Boyfriend/girlfriend = monogamous fornication
As long as there is sex involved, it's fornication. And if it's fornication, then there's nothing else to it. Except other stuff like hanging out or dating.
I also found issue with the idea that the women in these undefined relationships are just being helplessly strung along by men who have yet to grow up. It's kind of disrespectful to women...I think. I'm not a woman. But if I was one I'd be offended by the tone of this article.
There are plenty of women in ambiguous relationships that seem to have no issue dating, hanging out, and sexing despite a definition and so...
Third question for Walsh "Do women need to woman up and demand definitions?"
I do agree with Walsh that dudes should man up. But I don't know if that only means getting married.
It may mean practicing abstinence and courting properly.
It may mean being comfortable with being a good old fashioned Fornicator.
Or it may mean learning more words so that when talking to guys like Walsh, you can provide a clear understanding about what you are doing with your life.
Remember. No Always. No never.
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