“I don’t want to settle.”
I hear this statement a lot. Whenever someone says they don’t want to settle, I almost always ask, “then what are you dating for?”
To settle, according to my American Heritage dictionary, means:
- - to put into order, arrange or fix definitely as desired
- - to establish residence
- - to restore calmness or comfort to
- - to stabilize
If my dictionary is accurate, the only reason any of us are out here dating is to settle. Settling is the goal.
I know what the average person means when they say they don’t want to settle. They don’t want to establish residence or stabilize their life with someone that they think is less than what they deserve or less than what they think they got coming to them. I believe most people want to be with someone that is equal to them or better than them. And these same people refer to establishing residence with someone that is beneath them “settling.”
However, the truth is that unless you are out here giving your private parts a party, you are dating with the hopes of settling. You are looking to establish residence. You are looking to stabilize yourself. You are looking to restore calmness and/or comfort to your life. You want to settle.
There is an idea in communication that we create our reality with the words that we use. If this idea is true, many of us are creating an internal struggle by constantly professing that we do not want to settle while simultaneously going through the motions of settling. Relationships are hard enough without internal hurdles. So let this one go.
Be honest with yourself. You want to settle. Embrace the idea of settling. Once you embrace settling, you can focus on the last two words in the first definition provided above; “as desired.”
There is nothing wrong with wanting a thing in a particular form or fashion. But don’t let the desired form or fashion distract you from the thing itself. And that thing is a settlement.
So, settle. Because you know you want to.
Remember. No always. No never.
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