If You Got Duty and Still Want Desire, Then You Want Too Much


"We never fail when we try to do our duty, we always fail when we neglect to do it." Robert Baden-Powell

There comes a time in every committed man’s relationship when his significant other asks, “Do you want to do Q, R, and S” and committed man says, “No, I do not want to do Q, R, and S” and the significant other nonverbally and/or verbally reacts negatively to the committed man’s response which causes the committed man to remember his duty and say to the significant other, “But I will do Q, R and S if you want me to.”

And it is here where the conversation should end. It is here that Significant Other should recognize that Committed Man is doing his duty. Committed Man is willing to do Q, R and S despite having absolutely no desire to do Q, R and S. It is here that Significant Other should accept Committed Man’s offer and rejoice in the fact that Q, R and S is getting done.

But this is not where the conversation ends. Because Significant Other doesn’t just want Committed Man to do Q, R and S. Significant Other wants Committed Man to do Q, R and S with a desire to do Q, R and S. So the conversation continues and eventually Committed Man hears, “If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it” and “I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything. I want you to want to do it.”

As a committed man, on behalf of all the committed men that I know and some of the committed men that I don’t know, I say to the significant others of the world, you want too much.

I am never going to want to do Q, R and S. And, yes, I am fully aware that my tag line is No always. No never. But the exception makes the rule and this is the exception. I will never want to do Q, R and S. But I will do them if need be. Because of duty.

My mother taught me duty. I’ll never forget. I was ten. Mother told me to take out the trash and I said, “I don’t want to,” and Mother replied, “You don’t have to want to, just take out the damn trash.” So I took out the trash. And when I returned I received a “thank you” and kiss. I had done something that I didn’t want to do but because she wanted it done, the woman was pleased. That lesson has stuck with me my entire life. And as an adult my attitude is if duty is good enough for my momma, then duty is good enough for any other woman.

I get it. Duty is not enchanting. Desire is way more romantic. The idea that a man does what he does for his woman as a result of a burning desire to do those things is just dreamy. But what I don’t get is how the same women who want Desire over Duty also want Commitment. Commitment by definition is the state of being obligated. Duty is a moral obligation. There is no commitment without duty.

A sense of duty might just be the most important attribute of a man in a committed relationship. Duty is a man’s coat of armor that protects him against his own desires that are detrimental to his relationship. Duty is what allows a man to set aside his own desires - or the lack thereof – and focus on the desires of his significant other. And considering all the detriment done to relationships as a result of men chasing desires, I say, duty is a rare attribute as well.

Significant Others, if you want the commitment, then you want the duty. If you get the duty, you pretty much got it as good as it’s going to get. And if you got the duty but you still want the desire, I say again, you want too much.

Remember. No always. No never.

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Tags: duty, Love, Men, Relationships, Women

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