I don’t understand why people lie to kick it. Why do people go to extreme lengths to present this “ultimate awesome me” only to fail miserably later in the relationship because they really aren't that awesome? I have seen drinkers pretend not to be drinkers; smokers pretend not to be smokers; gamers act like they don’t spend all night fighting aliens. I once knew a guy who only wore khakis for six months because the object of his affection told him that she hates men in jeans.
Who hates jeans? (That’s clearly another post.)
Part of me wants to blame fear of rejection because I know that people do all kinds of stuff to avoid being denied. But another part of me thinks that rejection is a part of the game and everyone knows that and deals with that and that can’t be the reason. (I have been rejected many times. So many times in fact, I wrote a song about it. http://youtu.be/YB0hioYo73o )
Maybe it’s the person that inspires the deception. That one special person that someone wants so bad that they will do anything to be with them including lie about who they are. The problem here is that the do-whatever-it-takes person is unwanted by the special person. Otherwise instead of doing whatever it took to be with them they could just be themselves.
Maybe it's fear of being alone. Maybe this person is so worried about being by themselves that they are will to be someone else to be with someone else. I can see how this could work for a while but the whole relationship would be built on fear and that can't be good.
Whatever the reason, I don’t see the benefit of the misrepresentation of self. It makes for a horrible relationship if a relationship happens. Either he/she spends the entire relationship pretending to be someone they are not or he/she reverts back to their usual behavior - which is perceived as new behavior to the other person - and all hell breaks loose.
All of us are a combination of good, bad and ugly character traits and when one presents all the good first there’s nothing to discover but bad and ugly. I think when presenting oneself to a new person, one should display a smorgasbord of personality. Let the other person get a sample of all of you so that they can make a righteous decision about hanging out. That’s what I did when I was a single man out there playing the field. I made sure that every woman I met knew the following within five minutes of meeting me:
1 – I am from Oakland, California
2 – I read a lot.
3 – I’m a heavy drinker.
4 – I love The Dixie Chicks and E-40.
5 – I don’t spend money on new people
6 – The most important thing to me is friendship.
7 – I think love is the worst reason to get married.
8 – I’m not really big on commitment.
9 – I cried during the Lion King
10 – I talk too much.
I’m not going to lie, a lot of women, after receiving the smorgasbord of personality, walked away never to return. And that’s cool. At least they walked away in the first five minutes. Not years later after we have shared time, created memories, exchanged body fluids and loaned each other money. For the few who stayed, they stayed knowing enough to know that there’s a lot going on over here.
Nobody wants to be duped. Put your whole self out there and deal the consequences with your chin up. Better to suck earlier than later. Consistency wins.
Remember. No always. No never.
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