"Are you really over being single? Lower your standards."
While jotting down notes for an article about my inability to understand why men don’t listen to their women, a workmate came by my workspace complaining about being single on Valentine’s Day. When she left, I told my coworker that I am so sick of this “I’m single” drama and if one more person comes by here with that sh*t, I’m writing about it. No less than ten minutes after my utterance another worker in the building came by and talked, for what seemed like forever, about this being his first single V-Day.
“Get one!” I hollered at him. “Better yet, just pick one already and have at it.”
If you’re single, it’s by choice. Period. You are either consciously choosing the single life or you are consciously choosing to continue the search for the human equivalent of the holy grail thus making you single.
Are you really over being single? Lower your standards. There’s a George Costanza out there for everyone.
Do you really want to be in a relationship right now? Eliminate some requirements. There’s a Romy White AND Michele Weinburger out there for everyone.
Are you waiting for The One? News flash. They are all The One. The One is the person that inspires you to choose to fully commit. But since it’s your choice, you can choose to commit to any One you please. So do it already.
Right now there is someone in your phone, email, Facebook, whatever, that is a good person; that isn’t a beater or a cheater; that loves the dog crap out of you and you could contact them today and be coupled up by tonight. But you won’t. Because you don’t want them. You choose to be single.
I’ve been single for single sake. I’ve been single for search sake. I have serial dated looking for The One and I have even gone so far as to convince myself that I was going to be alone forever and that I was okay with that. Then, one day I was listened to my iPod on shuffle and a song came on and a lyric in the song was “If you want someone right now, lower your standards.” It was me. And I decided to take my own advice.
I made a list of all the things I wanted HER to be. The list was massive. Looking at my list I realized that this person doesn’t even exist. And if she does exist, she already taken. She’s Jesus!
I needed to be more realistic about my mate requirements. I decided to take a new approach. I asked myself, “what is the most important attribute she must possess to get me to commit for life?” Then I narrowed my list down to one attribute. For me, the most important attribute is the ability to get my weird.
I abandoned my close minded search and focused on the one thing that matters the most. I made the conscious decision that if I met someone who got my weird, I would forsake everything else and accept this person as is. I put that energy out into the universe, let go and remained open to the possibilities. A year and a half later, I found someone who got my weird and possesses many of the things that I crossed off my list. Now, instead of being unhappy because the person I’m dating has a lot of the things I want but not all of them, I am happy because the person I’m dating has the most important thing in the world to me AND many random other things that I love.
If you are single and love being single, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s a fun life. Enjoy it.
If you’re single and unhappy about being single, trim the fat. Find the one thing that matters most and build around that. It’s a hard process but the rewards are amazing.
Remember. No always. No never.
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