As many of my regular readers are aware, I have been MIA for the past month. This was not an accident. I wasn't "busy at work" or "taking a break from writing," I intentionally stayed as far away from my computer as humanly possible (except at work where I focus solely on writing about my clients). I didn't want to get my ADHD fingers anywhere near a keyboard, and for good reason.
Approximately one month ago I split up with my ex-future husband (a new term I coined that just fits ever so perfectly). I've been wrestling for weeks with thoughts like "do I write about this, do I keep it private, do I mention it as a short anecdote and move along to talking about my dog?" it truly has kept me up at night. I decided I'd tell the nut-shell version of the story and then move on. I started my blog as a way to express myself and share value with my readers. I'm not a Pinterest perfect blogger and I do not spend 60 hours a week creating cute fashion photoshop layouts, but I do like to keep things light and post about my everyday life - not catastrophic events that throw me into those ungodly 20-something funks. I think it is important to be transparent and open with my readers, but I gotta keep a certain level of privacy in order to continue writing about what I enjoy -- puppies, fashion, failing at making meals.
So here goes: I dated my ex for almost two years. We lived together for nine months. Things were great. It ended a little on the rocky side, but we remain friends. I have no idea what the future holds, but I sure hope I find out fairly soon. I got a little off track for a few days, but in great only-child fashion figured out my path, got on track, and now am back to living my normal life again - and it feels fantastic. How was that for nutshell?
Now, on to my post....
Hindsight is an amazing thing. It's this ability us humans have to gain perspective on events that happened in our lives, that at the time, we'd never realize. It's this moment of clarity when you can view your life from the future and learn lessons that seem so obvious. Here are my lessons:
1) You really can only trust yourself and your family. My ex is a great person. I'd never say one negative thing about him or his amazing family. But, I did learn through all of this that he was not my family and his family was not my family. People who are unattached can come and go - and many times they will. My parents have been my rock. I have been my own rock. My friends have been amazing, but like I've said in past posts, even friends come and go. Know yourself as a person. Get comfortable with who you are. Tell your parents, siblings, cousins EVERY CHANCE YOU GET how important they are to you because you never know when the "comers and goers" in this world will do just that.
2) Never lose your sense of self. Part of the reason we split was because we both lost a little bit of our single selves. We loved each other so we ALWAYS wanted to be together. This was great, but it had a dark, ugly side. I completely stopped doing yoga on the weekends. My favorite part of living the single life was meeting my girlfriends at 8am on a Saturday morning and doing sweaty, intolerably hot yoga for 90 minutes. It gave me an insane rush of endorphins and allowed me to bond with my girlfriends. Living with a cool guy makes it really hard to get motivation to throw on yoga pants, drive 20 minutes to the studio, and sweat it out for an hour and a half - but it's so crucial to your sanity. Never lose yourself for anyone. Ever.
3) Silence is golden. The first few weeks after the breakup the silence was deadly. It was so obvious in everything I did. I purposely made plans for every single night of the week just to hear noise. I am now over the one month mark and I actually enjoy the quiet. I am currently sitting in my apartment with no TV, music, even the dog is quiet and am doing just fine. Enjoy the alone time. I am using this down time to think about all I have accomplished in my life. I have a Master's degree I worked my butt off for, a job that people would literally saw off a toe for, and a beautiful apartment in a great city. It's the beginning of Summer for crying out loud! There is nothing to wallow about, the silence should be a time ro reflect, not a time to fear.
4) Look forward to the future. Most of my unmarried friends say a prayer to whatever god they think is out there every night that hopefully one day soon they will get swept away to married land (they truly think this is a place that exists). Not me. I know that there is no possible way I won't have it all eventually. I make an effort to put out the most positive energy I can concoct from inside me everyday. Sure, I get in ruts, but I work hard to send out the most positive vibes to the universe. I know that I will look back in X amount of years and say I am so glad for the path that got me here. I am excited for my unknown. It's thrilling to have this question mark in my life. They say you make plans and god laughs. He's probably giggling like crazy right now. I thought I knew every inch of the rest of my life and in one day that completely changed. I'm ready for whatever is planned for me. BRING IT ON!
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