PMS Haiku

PMS Haiku

Anyone in the throes of PMS will understand this gibberish. Not a woman? No matter. These are the keys to understanding, my friend.

PMS comes fast
Where'd you hide the wine bottle?
Long night is ahead.

PMS on brain.
Three kiddos to entertain.
"Jackass" marathon.

Where is my chocolate?
WHERE IS THE FRIGGIN' CHOCOLATE?
I ask my loving family.

You ask, "How are you?"
I consider many lies.
Then I slit your throat.

Perimenopause
Fancy word for PMS
Death would be better.

No more moves to make.
Pink Screen of failure flashes.
I hate Candy Crush.

Husband walks through door.
No greeting. He's leaving me.
I just know it's true.

Cramps of pain below.
Prays for sweet release of death.
Or a nice backrub.

Need to cry right now
Too stressed out; tears aren't coming.
Must watch Notting Hill.

All my Facebook friends
Having much more fun than me.
Filled with evil thoughts.

PMS is like
Bum friend that shows up and eats
All your good cookies.

What movie to watch?
Top Gun is on Cinemax?
Decision made, kids.

Signs of PMS
Mom's head in freezer loving
On Ben and Jerry.

OK to Kill? Yes?
Husband doesn't flush toilet.
Justifiable.

Join in the fun. Have a PMS haiku? Comment below. I'm just riffing tonight. Normally, I blather about books. Like to read? Need a good suggestion? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

I am also on Facebook, trolling for friends. And if you are looking for something good to read, here are my last three reviews:

The Actress

The Arsonist

Big Little Lies

Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons, "Wine Bottles Feast for Kids," by Steven Depolo

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