Kevin Bacon is a goddamned national treasure, so millennials? Pay proper attention.
He speaks for all children of the 80s when he says y'all don't know how tough it was to grow up in a decade without OKTwinder and Netflix.
80s teens had to write notes instead of text, talk instead of Tweet and work at places like Sizzler, Orange Julius, Rose Records and Chess King. And yeah—like the Bacon says, all with the specter of nukes pointed at our backs:
What's more frightening to me, though, than the lack of understanding when it comes to things like paper maps that fold and bag phones, is not knowing 80s culture. Here's your bucket list, millennials:
Rent, download or livestream the original "About Last Night." This is required viewing if you a) live in Chicago b) want to observe what company employees did before kickball leagues, or c) don't think Demi Moore has ever had a boob job.
Learn to speak truth to power from The Bacon himself via "Footloose." So help me, if you've only seen the Julianne Hough version, your are culturally bankrupt.
Visit the Art Institute in Chicago and make out in front of the stained glass installation. Everyone needs to channel their inner Ferris, and taking over a float in a parade will only land you in jail.
Spend an afternoon binge watching the Me Too channel. To watch "The A Team," "Knight Rider," and "Quantum Leap" is to love them. And you can't possibly understand all the jokes in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" until you do. I am so ready for a reboot of the Million Dollar Man.
Go totally 80s and visit a library instead of Amazon to get your hands on these quintessential 80s books:
Forever (Judy Blume). Actually published in 1975, this was on every teen girls shelf in the 80s. First love never smelled as good as Michael.
Flowers in the Attic (V.C. Andrews). Forget the recent Lifetime version. The book is trashy, creepy good. Just don't kiss your brother. Eww.
A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving). What? you haven't read this already? One word: Fabulous.
The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood). A fictional masterpiece that offers perspective when debating women's rights, even today.
The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean Auel). Loved this book about a different kind of family—feels like Sci-Fi set in the Stone Age.
The Prince of Tides (Pat Conroy). One of the best contemporary writers of our time writes about dysfunctional families with heartbreaking beauty.
Misery (Stephen King). If 11/22/63 was your first foray into the world of King, go back to the 80s where he ruled the suspense shelf. One of his best.
Want to skip all that and just read a book that is all about 80s culture? Try VJ: The Unplugged Adventure of MTV's First Wave, by four of the five original MTV VJs, including the North Shore's Alan Hunter.
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