Oprah, That Purse Is Too Expensive

Oprah, That Purse Is Too Expensive

Y'all know I just love O.

She was the svengali of my 20s and 30s. The I-Ching on how to be a woman and what perfect white blouse I should wear when I am doing it. She picks great books, but gives bad book club advice.

But girlfriend, that Swiss salesperson was right. That Tom Ford bag IS too expensive.

In the interest of actually knowing what a $38,000 purse looks like, I Googled. And I Googled again. Even Google knows I can't afford a $38,000 purse, so it won't show me one. Which leads me to believe that for $38,000, The Jennifer bag, named after Jennifer Aniston, actually INCLUDES Jennifer Aniston.

O, you probably already have Jen's digits—you don't need to buy a purse with her in it just to have her over for lunch.

I'm not trying to mock Oprah on racism. I believe what she claims happened to her. Was it because she is African American? Maybe. As much as I would like to believe the salesperson was simply embarrassed the cost of the purse was more than some people make in a year, I do understand there is ignorance, and worse, hatred in this world—she wasn't treated right, and that's not OK.

But O, really—there are a gazillion better ways to spend $38,000. Let me help you. For $38,000, you can:

  • Cover the household income of any one of the close to 40 percent of Americans. (Wikipedia, U.S. Census Bureau)
  • Buy 95 of these $400 Coach totes, keep one for you, one for Gayle, and then hand out the remaining 93 to some of those "Coach Crazies" that stand in line outside one of their outlets.
  • Buy 2,111 hardcover copes of your latest book club pick and gift a bunch of inner city high school libraries.
  • Purchase more than 1,400 backpacks for kids in need—CPS kids could use a break, that's for sure.
  • Or, supply an entire school with pencils. You can get 6,333 18-count packages—114,000 pencils!—for that $38,000.
  • Treat the Morton's dining room to steak one night—at $49 bucks a pop for their 4-course summer treat, that's 775 new fans you got there!
  • Buy my daughter and 583 of her besties those damned Sperrys she "has" to have. That's spreading some fashion love.
  • Prop up the Swedish Fish candymakers—we're talking 760,000 tasty red fish for your candy jars.
  • Gift me with this used Mercedes and still have a few bucks left over. Then maybe you could take me and Jen to lunch with you. I'll drive.

I understand you can afford a $38,000 purse. If that's how you want to spend your green, that's cool. But I think the question you need to ask yourself is ... why?

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