DIY Costumes For Moms With No Time To Make Your Kid’s Halloween Costume

screen-shot-2017-10-24-at-2-46-16-pmThis fall has been the busiest fall of my 40+ years of existence. Between motherhood, daughterhood, sisterhood, womanhood, and humanhood (is that a thing?) I have hit the proverbial fall wall. So when my darling children approached me about giving them Halloween costume ideas and/or making a Halloween costume from scratch, my left eye began to twitch uncontrollably.

If you are like me, in the weeds all the time, you want to satisfy your kid’s desire for a homemade costume, but also make your life a little easier.

Here are a few DIY costume ideas I came up with that will help a busy mom and satisfy that homemade costume request:

Laundry Monster (DIY Level: Easy)
Step 1: Have your child find all the clothes that are strewn all over their bedroom floor.

Step 2: Have your child put on ever piece of clothing they found on the floor. Yes… the clothes are dirty, I know. If your kids are like mine, the child will be wearing a hell of a lot of clothes. This is where the monster part comes in - the clothes will stink and your kid will look scary wearing six pairs of dirty underwear, seven socks, a soccer uniform, two swimsuits, volleyball kneepads, inside out PJs, four t-shirts, two hoodies, and eighteen pairs of leggings. Send them out like that - the scarier and smellier the better.

Step 3: When your child returns from trick or treating, instruct them to go straight to the laundry room and strip down to the last layer of underthings they have on. Now you can enjoy two nanoseconds of your kid’s room not smelling like a petting zoo in 90-degree weather.

Delivery Person Costume (DIY Level: Medium)
Step 1: Select a single color shirt and pants (all blue, all brown, whatever your kid has around).

Step 2: Use sharpie to write “<insert child’s name here> Delivery Service” on the shirt. If you are feeling ambitious, use glitter glue or bust out your BeDazzler to write the name.

Step 3: Find a messenger bag or huge ass purse and strap that bad boy on your kiddo.

Step 4: Load bag with the cake plate you need to return to your neighbor, the thank you note you owe your friend four blocks down, that package that needs to go back to Gap, the permission slip you forgot to turn in, and the dry cleaning you fail to drop off week after week.

Step 5: Instruct your child to return the cake plate to the neighbor, and while they are doing that, mine as well have them run that thank you note over to your friend, drop that Gap package at the post office, pop over to the school and hand in the permission slip to the office, and then just hit the dry cleaner while you are out and drop off dad’s shirts (don’t forget extra starch). Now your little sweetheart will have enough room in that bag for trick or treat candy and your to-do list just got a lot shorter.

Pirate (DIY Level: Harder, but not too hard)
Step 1: Dress your child in black pants, a red and white striped shirt, and tie a bandana around the crown of their head. Hell, if you don’t have that stuff just put them in something that is scattered on their bedroom floor (see Laundry Monster costume above).

Step 2: Make an eye patch with black construction paper and yarn.  If you feel lazy, just get your eyeliner and draw a circle around your child's eye to make it look like an eye patch.

Step 3: Give your child a potato masher or an old wire hanger to use as their hook hand.  If you are so inclined, go ahead and pierce one ear and throw one of your J. Lo hoops in it.  What the hell, go all out, it's Halloween!

Step 4: Make a pirate treasure map of your neighborhood and indicate the places you want your child to stop to look for buried treasure.

Step 5: Send your kiddo out with the treasure map. Instruct your child to follow the path indicated on the map and stop where X marks the spot on the map. Some suggested treasure stops: 1) The school playground to look for that lost $50 Nike hoodie your kiddo had to have that was accidentally left outside at recess today; 2) The path your child takes to/from school to find the homework folder that mysteriously jumped out of their backpack; 3) The friend’s house where your child left your “good” umbrella; and 4) The soccer field where your kiddo forgot to grab their flip flops after yesterday’s game. Your sweet pirate might bring home more than just candy booty.

Happy Halloween DIYers!

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Some Other Fun Blog Posts To Check Out:
An Open Letter To The Person Standing Behind Me In An Exercise Class
Experiencing A Parental Epiphany In A Foam Pit
Shiver Me Timbers, It's A School Supply Treasure Hunt

Can’t get enough? Of course not.  Here are a couple of my recently published pieces:
Daily Itinerary: Joel Ostend's Hairdresser, Creating Christ-like Coif Perfection, The Belladonna Comedy
Seven Words I Would Have Children S-P-E-L-L If I Were Running The National Spelling Bee, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

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Filed under: Halloween, Humor, Parenting

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