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Clearing The Snow Off My Driveway In 20 Easy Steps

Step 1: Put on wool socks, heavy sweater, snow pants, down winter coat, hand warmers, gloves, hat, scarf, winter boots, and ear buds.

Step 2: Assess the snow’s depth; determining whether a shovel or snow blower is the right tool for the job. Choose snow blower to save time.

Step 3: Move four bikes, two strollers, an old computer monitor, recycle bags, and a wagon to get to snow blower out of the garage.

Step 4: Put key in to the “on” position, move the little grey thingy with a picture of a fan on it to the right, press the primer button a few times, and then pull cord.

Step 5: Do Step 4 again as the snow blower will not start.

Step 6: Do Step 5 again.

Step 7: Kick snow blower in frustration.

Step 8: Scale multiple sporting goods in the garage to find owner’s manual hanging on wall. Read owners manual.

Step 9: Follow Step 4 again. Snow blower starts. Hooray! Push little grey thingy to left as instructed in manual. Snow blower stops. Grr!

Step 10: Repeat Step 4; snow blower starts.   Gradually move little grey thingy to left, but not too far as it starts to make weird noises.

Step 11: Hold handle lever down and start throwing some snow.

Step 12: As the snow hits you in the face, realize you have the snow shooter tube deal aimed in the wrong direction. Turn snow thrower shooter in other direction. Continue throwing snow. Throwing snow like a champ!

Step 13: Take three passes on driveway and see pieces of jump rope rein from snow blower like confetti on New Year’s Eve. Hear a loud bang then quiet. The jump rope, left by my little people on the driveway (buried under the snow), is now wrapped completely around snow blower blade.

Yes, this really did happen.

Yes, this really did happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 14: Swear audibly until you realize you sound like the father in The Christmas Story movie.

Step 15: Take key out of snow blower. Get utility scissors and cut out the jump rope.

Step 16: Go to plan B, use shovel to clear driveway. After searching for ten minutes realize the snow shovel is buried somewhere under the snow in the backyard. Repeat step 14.

Step 17: Repeat Step 4. Nothing. Call snow blower customer service department. Wait on hold until you speak to a real person. Explain the situation in hopes of receiving some troubleshooting tips.

Step 18: Listen to customer service rep’s lecture about safety and making sure all debris is removed prior to using the snow blower.

Step 19: Get hung up on by customer service rep after getting lippy with her about not wanting a lecture.

Step 20: Put snow blower back in garage, repeat Step 14, and go inside.

Some Other Fun Blog Posts To Check Out:

Getting Old Sucks: Why To Start Estate Planning With Your Parents
Three Children's Books I am Ready To Retire
How "fake" is fighting back

Oh, and don't forget...


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Filed under: Humor

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