FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
HOW “FAKE” IS FIGHTING BACK
CHICAGO, IL - The word fake has besieged our vernacular ever since candidate Trump bombastically invoked “fake news” claims while on the campaign trail. His continued use of this word has given the term “fake” a black eye.
However, fake is fighting back. Individuals and companies behind legitimate fake products are taking issue with President Trump’s continued abuse of the word fake.
“He can’t just throw the ‘fake’ label around willy-nilly,” said a replica dealer, from the trunk of his '04 Camry, discreetly located on Canal Street in New York City. “All our fake stuff-from pirated DVDs and iPhones, to imitation Rolex watches and Gucci bags have high standards. I stand behind my fake merchandise, can President Trump stand by his fake claims?”
Similar sentiments are being expressed by artificial flavor engineers with Frito-Lay. “We’ve worked long and hard to replicate natural dairy flavor in powder form, creating a snack food substance that tastes like real cheese. Fake cheese is the cornerstone of our products’ flavor profile. He can’t up and use the word ‘fake’ however he sees fit. Fake is our word.”
“We’ve cornered the market on fake,” said a spokesman from Allergan, Inc., makers of the Natrelle collection of silicon and saline breast implants. Allergan, Inc. plans to issue a cease and desist order, requesting the White House no longer use the term “fake” and instead use the expression “not real.” “We do not want Natrelle fake breasts linked to the Trump administration.”
Imitation crabmeat, fake dog crap, Sweet'N Low, and faux lemon juice (in the little yellow plastic lemons) manufacturers plan to release a joint statement of solidarity requesting President Trump stop using the term fake when referring to the broadcast media.
The detrimental economic effect on fake products has yet to be determined. Nevertheless, President Trump’s continued use of the word “fake" is clearly hurting the credibility of genuine imitation products.
*This press release is completely fake, however, the author stands behind its satirical sentiments.
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