Archive for 2011

6 Ideas the Devil on Your Shoulder Will Have at Your New Year's Eve Party

6 Ideas the Devil on Your Shoulder Will Have at Your New Year's Eve Party
Here is what you can expect to hear from the devil on your shoulder tonight. 1. Start Early Wait, didn’t starting early get you in trouble that one New Year’s? Yeah, but that was a long time ago. You’re much smarter now. 2. Pop the Champagne Cork Wildly You should never point the cork at... Read more »

Suggested New Year's Resolutions for Famous People

Suggested New Year's Resolutions for Famous People
Let’s face it, we could all tighten up our game a little in 2012. I’m here to help. Herman Cain: If you’re going to write a book and then get caught cheating, make sure Barnes & Noble doesn’t have it in this section:   The CTA: Your “Holiday Train” has man dressed as Santa Claus... Read more »

Eazy E's Best Lyrics From Eternal E

Eazy E's Best Lyrics From Eternal E
              Now, I’m Eazy-E I got bitches galore. You might have a lot of bitches but I got much more. If that line grabbed your attention, we have something in common. Hello, I’m TR Slyder and I love Eazy-E. To celebrate his rap career (just because) I compiled my... Read more »
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5 Last Minute Gifts for your Music-Loving Parents

5 Last Minute Gifts for your Music-Loving Parents
The most difficult person to buy gifts for is always your parents. (Especially if, like me, you know absolutely nothing about them despite having shared a home with them the duration of your formative years.) But, when you enter adulthood, you realize that a paisley tie for dad and a two sentence card hand-made from... Read more »

Proving my Black Card in 20 Steps

Proving my Black Card in 20 Steps
1. I met Mary Tyler Mom at a recent Blathering (Blog gathering) and was absolutely delighted to get to know her. After a few drinks and a few topics,  I mentioned that I have a  (non AmEx) black card. 2. Tell Mary Tyler Mom what a black card is. It turned out she hadn’t heard... Read more »

5 Christmas gift ideas for the Chicago sports fan in your life

5 Christmas gift ideas for the Chicago sports fan in your life
Don’t worry all you procrastinators out there.  Here at Lists That Actually Matter we have you covered.  Choose any of these 5 gift options, and we promise your family will finally love you! 5. For the druggy Chicago Sports Fan: a Kingpin Jersey.  Go to the Bears website and personalize yourself a #81 jersey with the... Read more »
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Five Ways to Prove Santa's Existence to Your Kids

One of the most annoying features of a child is their propensity for asking questions. Damn your little thirst for knowledge! Don’t you know how to Google?! But there is one question that should get any adult’s attention. And once you’ve successfully passed off that inquiry as to where babies come from onto the child’s... Read more »

The 5 Worst Haircuts - Coaches Edition

Fellow Lists That Actually Matter writer and all around handsome man, TR Slyder, wrote two hilarious lists on the worst haircuts and hairstyles of all time.  Today we turn our attention to the men on the sidelines who burden us with their unfortunate choice of hairstyles. 5. Brady Hoke (University of Michigan’s Messiah):  I haven’t yet decided if this... Read more »

12 Dos and Don'ts for Office Holiday Parties (Plus Ice Breakers)

So he says, “Those aren’t antlers…” Office holiday parties exist for many reasons. For one, they’re a morale booster. I know whenever I’m handed an asinine project late on a Friday in July, I always think back to the free crostini I received in December and I’m ready to get down to business. They also... Read more »
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5 Reasons I'm Devastated the Trump Debates Won't Happen

5 Reasons I'm Devastated the Trump Debates Won't Happen
Hearing that Donald Trump would moderate a GOP debate was like a syringe full of glee being jammed into my heart, followed by the benevolent thumb of God plunging the full payload of glee directly in. I was excited-  not only because  my politics tend to lean left and I thought this would harm the... Read more »