Posts tagged "Cubs"

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers
(this is satire) It was recently discovered that Clark the Cub, the Cubs’ new mascot, is the result of an advanced-marketing scheme by Universal Pictures for the third installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy due out in 2023. Under this marketing plan, Clark will condition children to be more accepting of BDSM once... Read more »

5 Ways CPS Students Can Be Productive During The CTU Strike

5 Ways CPS Students Can Be Productive During The CTU Strike
Since Chicago isn’t a wealthy city like say, East Saint Louis, IL;  Gary, Indiana or Compton we can’t afford to educate our kids. Maybe if our sales tax were the highest in the nation we could afford such a pie-in-the-sky dream. But that is looking upon the hole and not upon the doughnut. I’m actually... Read more »

7 Benefits of NOT Loving the Cubs Unconditionally in 2011

Much like soap operas and action movies- Sports watching is escapism. Your life gets annoying at times so you escape for 3 hours by watching sports. But eventually when your escapement of suckitude results in even more suckitude, rational people, "fix the glitch", like Bob in Office Space says by watching, (God forbid, actually doing) things that don't suck.
I’m a conditional lover. Everything is perpetually up for evaluation.  If one remains faithfully married for 60 years, they’re loyal. Conversely, if you stay married to a woman that kicks you in the nuts 87 times a day, you’re either an imbecile or a masochist. And you’re ESPECIALLY an imbecile or masochist if you’ve never... Read more »
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Top 5 people you will see at Wrigley Field on Opening Day

Top 5 people you will see at Wrigley Field on Opening Day
Hopefully you fall into one of these 5 categories, or you will be watching the Cubs take on the Pirates from the comfort of your very own cubicle. ————————“Like” Lists That Actually Matter on Facebook.

5 things the Cubs need to win the Division

5 things the Cubs need to win the Division
My Sox fan father has already made 5 “Mike Quade has a better chance of re-growing hair than the Cubs do of winning” old man jokes, and it is still spring training.  Even the most optimistic, too-old-to-still-be-living-in-Wrigleyville Cubs fan is having a hard time believing the “this is gonna be the year” BS that floats... Read more »

10 Chicago Commodities I'd Trade on the CBOT if I Could

I'd Trade White Sox fans with Brazilian Soccer Fans<br><br>Just be thankful I didn't show you the image search results for, "White Sox Fans". *shivers* ewwwwuughhhh.
If Dave Chappelle can host a race draft, then I can trade Chicago people and Chicago things on the Chicago Board of Trade in an attempt to upgrade things here in the City of Broad Shoulders. ————— TRSlyder on Facebook ListsThatActuallyMatter on Facebebook @AndyDisco on Twitter
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Six Reasons it Sucks being a Cubs Fan

I have had the misfortune of being a Cubs fan my entire life. It has been a miserable experience – hold Ozzy Osbourne’s infamous rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.  The sad part is, even without the 100+ years of losing, there are still plenty of reasons it sucks being a Cubs... Read more »

A Cubs Fan Asks a Sox Fan 6 Questions

6. I have June 20th as the Over/Under date for when Juan Pierre loses his role in the lead off spot. What date do you have it happening?<br><br>2020.  The same year he breaks all of Rickey Henderson's records. P.S. That's a great picture for a fan whose team plays in Boystown.
Both Cubs fans and Sox fans can agree on two things: 1- the other Chicago team’s fanbase is Lithium-prescribed-measure-me-for-a-straight-jacket delusional and, 2- The White Sox always have more interesting preseason concerns because asking a Sox fan about the impending season gets them angry. Cubs fans just tell a lie and say they will win it,... Read more »

Top 5 Slogans for the 2011 Cubs

Last year the Ricketts family became the new owners of the Cubs, and opted to go with the slogan “Year 1″.   Or, as I like to call it, the two-handed flip-off from Tom Ricketts to Cubs fans across America.  Year 1? Hey, Cubs fans, forget ’08, ’03, ’84, and Brant Brown,  It’s “Year 1!” ... Read more »
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Top 10 New Faces in Chicago Baseball

Cubs and White Sox pitchers and catchers report to spring training this week in Mesa and Glendale, Arizona. As with every new season there are plenty of new faces to get to know. Consider this your two minute primer.