Posts tagged "Chicago"

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers
(this is satire) It was recently discovered that Clark the Cub, the Cubs’ new mascot, is the result of an advanced-marketing scheme by Universal Pictures for the third installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy due out in 2023. Under this marketing plan, Clark will condition children to be more accepting of BDSM once... Read more »

7 Comments That Zero People Will Make About Jay Cutler This Season

That Jay Cutler is a winner.
During his tenure in Chicago, Bears Quarterback Jay Cutler has taken some unwarranted jabs about his attitude, competitiveness and his record in the playoffs. However, most of the jabs were, in fact, warranted.  Here a few more.

5 Characteristics of a Chicago Music Snob

5 Characteristics of a Chicago Music Snob
After Lollapalooza, but pre- North Coast, it seems appropriate to poke fun at our music snob friends.  We all have a few… and they just get music on a different level than the rest of us do.  They would explain, but you still wouldn’t get it.  Sorry. How do you identify which of your Chicago... Read more »
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Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off

Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off
With everyone clamoring to find out what is ailing Jesse Jackson Jr. (something more  specific than “mood disorder“, that is) I was busy wondering if there were any jobs that would allow an unannounced and unexplained month off from work. In other words, I was trying to find a good next job for him   1. A-Hole Business... Read more »

5 Reasons to Hate the Phoenix Coyotes

5 Reasons to Hate the Phoenix Coyotes
If there is one thing we’ve learned from politics over the last 12 years, it’s that after your team loses, instead of reflecting and focusing on the mistakes they made, you focus all energy on hating the opponent.  Now I could focus on how the Hawks don’t play with a sense of urgency until they... Read more »

5 People you see at Chicago Summer Street Festivals

5 People you see at Chicago Summer Street Festivals
“Like” us on Facebook – Follow @dantello1 I can promise you two things this summer: North Ave Beach will be responsible for giving someone an STD, and you will see these 5 people at every Chicago Summer Street Festival.
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Good vs. Evil: 3 Nicknames for the Bulls in the Bulls vs. Heat Series

Good vs. Evil: 3 Nicknames for the Bulls in the Bulls vs. Heat Series
Finally everybody in America will be cheering for a Chicago team.  It’s like getting to be the Butler Bulldogs without the living in Indianapolis part.  —————————————-“Like” us on Facebook or everyone will think you are a LeBron James fan.

Top 10 New Faces in Chicago Baseball

Cubs and White Sox pitchers and catchers report to spring training this week in Mesa and Glendale, Arizona. As with every new season there are plenty of new faces to get to know. Consider this your two minute primer. 

Top Snowverdramatic Reactions to The Blizzard of 2011

People getting really excited about the blizzard. I mean REALLY excited. OMG, I have been wanting a snow day for forever!!! So :)!!! Side prediction - The Blizzard Baby Boom is offset by the Post-Snowpocalypse Suicide Skyrocket.
Well the peak of the great Blizzard of 2011 is over. Chicagoans will now have to attempt to head back to the real world (like their jobs) and not spend all day on Twitter, Facebook and Craigslist Casual Encounters talking about how badass, awful, fun, scary the snow storm was. Let us look back at... Read more »
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5 Fates Worse Than Being Stuck in the Chicago Blizzard

5. You Could be in San Antonio and Remember the Alamo was a Successful Instance of Someone Messin' With Texas<br><br>There are two Rules in Texas: 1. Remember the Alamo, 2. Don't Mess With Texas. So let us recall what transpired at the Alamo: Mexico messed with Texas and kicked Texas' ass. Does pointing that out count as Texas Justice for Texas Logic? Heart Disease is certainly messing with Texas and having its way.
No Chicago resident wants to be snowed-in. But is confinement in our great city really worse than freedom to move around in other major US cities? for instance:You could be in Miami getting the herp from sharing a potty seat after you almost made out with tranny. Let’s explore….