Posts in category "Satire"

Things Your Annoying Friends can do or Appreciate on a Deeper Level Than You

<strong>Sports</strong><br><br> Like most men, I enjoy talking about sports. But everyone has that one (or more) friend who speaks with a ridiculous amount of authority on the topic. Among their go-to moves:
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- When you complain about your team's poor performance, they correct you about what their problem REALLY is. <br><br>
- When a problem is identified they assert they've been saying that for a while, and imply that they clearly see things the coach doesn't and they would make a better coach. <br><br>
-Argue vigorously in un-proveable hypotheticals, usually with a historical backdrop.  Would Sandy Koufax's fastball be effective in this era? Would Wilt Chamberlain be as dominant in today's NBA? Would the Steeler's Steel Curtain defense contain Joe Montana's offense in it's heyday? Only your friend can say for sure, and it's certainly worth debating because we may one day find out once and for all. <br><br> Ok, no it's not worth debating because it's impossible to ever ascertain the answer.
Some topics bring out the most annoying traits in people. For instance, if you were on an airplane and could select which topic NOT to discuss with the stranger sitting next to you and your choices were: Monkeys, sandwiches, politics, or movies; I bet most people would opt to omit politics from the discussion. While... Read more »

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers

Clark the Cub was Financed by 50 Shades of Grey Movie Marketers
(this is satire) It was recently discovered that Clark the Cub, the Cubs’ new mascot, is the result of an advanced-marketing scheme by Universal Pictures for the third installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy due out in 2023. Under this marketing plan, Clark will condition children to be more accepting of BDSM once... Read more »

A Re-Crap of Jay Cutler's Career With the Chicago Bears

A Re-Crap of Jay Cutler's Career With the Chicago Bears
During his tenure with the Chicago Bears Jay Cutler faced adversity, sucked it up, and emerged as a multiple Super Bowl winning quarterback. After five historically important seasons, Cutler led the Bears to three Super Bowl appearances, in two Super Bowls he set records for touchdowns thrown and passing yards. And of course he set other... Read more »
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Some Armadillos are More Equal Than Others

Some Armadillos are More Equal Than Others
A group of Miami University biologists recently discovered a previously unknown species of armadillo, which they are calling the Crested Armadillo for now. The discovery was met with jubilation among the team of scientists who feel the new species will help us broaden our definition and idea of what an armadillo is. “This new species... Read more »