Posts in category "Old People"

8 Reasons to do a Jigsaw Puzzle This Christmas Season

8 Reasons to do a Jigsaw Puzzle This Christmas Season
Growing up, my family always did Christmas-themed jigsaw puzzles and then as I got older I realized that wasn’t the case for everyone, and in fact, VERY few people do them. I love ’em, so I’m here to evangelize their merits. Here are 8 reasons to do a puzzle this Christmas season. 1. They are... Read more »

10 things that Republicans Taking Control of Congress Proves

10 things that Republicans Taking Control of Congress Proves
According to my childhood friends and parents (I’m from Oak Park), progress officially died on Tuesday. Here are the 10 things that the GOP unquestionably proved by retaking control of Congress. 1) That psycho guy on your news feed that blamed Obama for everything from trying to steal his machine gun while he was sleeping to the faux Ebola crisis was... Read more »

7 Things You Never Read in Obituaries but Should

<strong>"He was pretty much an A-hole to everyone"</strong><br><br> This would accurately describe like 20 people I know but I'll still never read it in an obituary.
I bet you interact with at least 10 annoying people everyday. They might be outright rude, or just inconsiderate. Maybe they’re painfully bad at their job and it grates on you. It’s possible a nearby service worker always gives you the same trite answer they think is so clever when you ask how they are... Read more »
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10 Out of 10 Kids Love Snowstorms, and 10/10 Grown ups Hate Them. Does Hating Snow Make us old?

10 Out of 10 Kids Love Snowstorms, and 10/10 Grown ups Hate Them. Does Hating Snow Make us old?
Imagine you are in charge of spreading the word about a major snowstorm, and you’re tasked with informing two different groups (of roughly about 100 people) of the storm. Your first stop will be at a Fortune 500 insurance company, and the second will be an elementary school. Once all the insurance people shuffle into... Read more »

A Mentally ill Man Shoots up a crowd at a DC Navy Yard and CBS News' Scott Pelley says it is NOT Terrorism

A Mentally ill Man Shoots up a crowd at a DC Navy Yard and CBS News' Scott Pelley says it is NOT Terrorism
A mentally ill, former military man murders a dozen indiscriminately in public *Yawn* This is America, after all. Could you reasonably have expected otherwise? Yesterday I was watching my local CBS 5pm news when I saw the anchor Scott Pelley give a 20-second teaser for what to expect on tonight’s broadcast. Pelley soberly reported the... Read more »

8 Reasons I was Psyched to see Geraldo's Areolae in his Selfie

8 Reasons I was Psyched to see Geraldo's Areolae in his Selfie
I’ve always liked extremely stupid stuff and being psyched about seeing Geraldo’s areolae certainly continues that proud tradition. Don’t get me wrong- I despise things that are stupid. But extremely stupid stuff captivates me like how a tornado enthralls a storm-chaser, it’s destructive and scary but I crave the rush of its nearness. Not the... Read more »
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7 Reasons Baby Boomers are the Worst Generation

7 Reasons Baby Boomers are the Worst Generation
Fact: Tom Brokaw was correct; the Greatest Generation of Americans was the generation that fought and sacrificed to win World War II, who would go on to build modern America after the war. Fact: Everyone hates Generation Y/Milennials or whatever they call kids aged 14-30. Fact: It was the Baby Boomers who, despite being raised... Read more »

Killerbuster Krew: 15 Congressman Rap About Their Gun Filibuster

Killerbuster Krew: 15 Congressman Rap About Their Gun Filibuster
As a stall tactic during their proposed gun debate filibuster, the 15 Republican Congressman will sing a rap song that they have (poorly) written. The exclusive copy of the lyrics can be read below.   Mitch McConnell (R-KY): During my senate tenure in 2008/ there was a mass murder right under my nose and in... Read more »

8 Moments I Realized I'm Getting Old By Age 33

8 Moments I Realized I'm Getting Old By Age 33
The other day I was at the Art Institute (as mentioned in 3A below) and had a flashbulb, “I’m old!” moment. For this 32 year old, it wasn’t my first, and certainly won’t be my last but I thought of a few other similar flashbulb moments I’ve had. 1. I used to think of alcohol... Read more »
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26 Things That Used to be Better, According to my Old Man

26 Things That Used to be Better, According to my Old Man
This is my father’s list, every single one except #18. Even though he thought up all the items and explained them to me when necessary, I did the writing. Whenever I could, I quoted my old man from a series of very-brief emails he sent me to explain a few on his list. I’ll be... Read more »