Posts in category "Mom"

6 Positive Aspects of Frigid Weather

<strong>Making static electricity makes you feel like you're creating lighting, is empowering</strong> <br><br>The first time I ever coughed into my flannel sheets (while wearing flannel pajamas) and made static electricity, I was flabbergasted. I did it again to see if it was real, and after I found out it was, I walked into my parents' bedroom and woke up my mom to tell her. <br><br> Coughing lightning would be a major achievment for people of any age, but doing so already by the age of 8 made me feel extra important. <br><br> Then my mom told me it's normal when it's that dry outside and I was fine and should go back to bed. <br><br> Did that put a damper on my lightning-coughing glee? Sure, but not so much so that I don't still do it and get a kick out of it every single time.
If every day of our Chicago winter featured temperatures in the 70′s and heavy sunshine we’d still complain. We’d complain that we didn’t have a real winter, that we never had a significant snowfall,  never had an excuse to make chili while wearing our favorite wool socks, or we’d complain that weren’t able to use... Read more »

Things Your Annoying Friends can do or Appreciate on a Deeper Level Than You

<strong>Sports</strong><br><br> Like most men, I enjoy talking about sports. But everyone has that one (or more) friend who speaks with a ridiculous amount of authority on the topic. Among their go-to moves:
- When you complain about your team's poor performance, they correct you about what their problem REALLY is. <br><br>
- When a problem is identified they assert they've been saying that for a while, and imply that they clearly see things the coach doesn't and they would make a better coach. <br><br>
-Argue vigorously in un-proveable hypotheticals, usually with a historical backdrop.  Would Sandy Koufax's fastball be effective in this era? Would Wilt Chamberlain be as dominant in today's NBA? Would the Steeler's Steel Curtain defense contain Joe Montana's offense in it's heyday? Only your friend can say for sure, and it's certainly worth debating because we may one day find out once and for all. <br><br> Ok, no it's not worth debating because it's impossible to ever ascertain the answer.
Some topics bring out the most annoying traits in people. For instance, if you were on an airplane and could select which topic NOT to discuss with the stranger sitting next to you and your choices were: Monkeys, sandwiches, politics, or movies; I bet most people would opt to omit politics from the discussion. While... Read more »

A Valentine's Day Guide to Male Sexual Endurance

Lena Dunham <br><br> Making me appreciate pixelation since 2013. Even the girl I'm dating admitted Lena was naked too much and a self-indulgent writer in  last week's episode.  <br><br>
No one has ever said this before: Guys, you're welcome for that naked Lena Dunham pic.
Let’s face it guys, there is a lot riding on your sexual performance tonight (get it?). A lot can go wrong- if you conclude the amorous liaison too quickly, you’re a two-pump chump, but if you go on too long, she may wonder what she’s doing wrong or why you have the potency of a bi-curious octogenarian. We at... Read more »

5 Things Not To Get Mom For Mother's Day

5 Things Not To Get Mom For Mother's Day
After years of disappointing mom, it’s about time you got your sh*t together and finally gave her the Mother’s Day she deserves.  How do you do that?  Simply avoid these 5 things. 5. A Gym Membership:  “Hey, mom, after years of spending all your time looking after me, you sorta let yourself go, so here is... Read more »

Five Things Your Mom Will Never Be Convinced You Have Enough Of

Five Things Your Mom Will Never Be Convinced You Have Enough Of
You have a job, a house or an apartment, a pair of leather shoes with laces, maybe a car, and you rarely wet the bed anymore. Congratulations, you’re a fully functioning adult. But your mom is not fooled. She knows the truth. She knows that you still need help, specifically in these five areas. And... Read more »