On Thanksgiving, we celebrate being thankful for family, friends and good food. What we are not thankful for is the ticking conversation bomb that is a political discussion at the dinner table with Uncle Bob or Aunt Condescending (it's an old-fashioned name.) Luckily, we have some surefire ways to ensure that nobody will want to discuss politics this Thanksgiving.
1. Use a fryer to cook the turkey: The resulting fire will not only stop all political discussions in its track, it also will allow you to meet your local fire department, ensure that you are never responsible for Thanksgiving dinner again and ultimately result in ordering a pizza to enjoy just as if it were any other day. Sure, you have to miss out on mashed potatoes with gravy, but sometimes sacrifices must be made.
2. Kittens: Borrow about 20 or so kittens. Place them in the house. Watch as everyone forgets politics as they go nuts over them. Put your house for sale as you will never want to live there again after hosting 20 kittens for the day since you forgot to also borrow 20 litter boxes.
3. Insist on speaking only Klingon at Thanksgiving: This will ensure no one discusses politics with you. Or, really, anything with you. And if you really want to ensure politics aren't discussed, serve a traditional Klingon Thanksgiving, as well. Mmmm, Rokeg blood pie.
4. Use the Gross Shots Challenge as a disincentive: Want to talk politics? Go ahead. But every time you do, you have to participate in the Gross Shots Challenge. You've never truly lived until you've taken a shot of cold mushroom soup. Or soy sauce.
5. Don't invite people over for Thanksgiving. Be thankful that you can love one another from a distance. The way families should.
You can follow Joe Grace on Twitter at @Joe_Grace.
Filed under: Advice