Christmas is coming up and you know what that means: Santa and God are both monitoring your behavior and deciding what kind of presents you deserve on Christmas. Since that means that this is the worst time of year to get caught taking the Lord's name in vain, I cobbled together a handy list of popular alternatives for saying "Jesus Christ" (most of them came from this book) and ranked them for you so you don't have to get busted by Jesus for saying his name.
9. Jiminy Christmas
As long as I can remember things sounding stupid to me, this sounded stupid to me. I don't even know what it means.
8. Jiminy Crickets
I know Jesus gets really pissed off when you say his name in vain, but is substituting his name for a cartoon cricket any more respectful? If I were a God, I'd like to think I'd be cool with people saying my name and I'd be omniscient enough to realize when that when they hit their thumb with a hammer and scream, "Tea Arse Lied to Her", they really mean TR Slyder, even if they aren't technically saying it. So they may as well show me a little respect and just say my name instead of thinking they're fooling me with a sound-alike, which I'd find more disrespectful as they're all-powerful God.
7. Gee Wilikers
You don't hear this one anymore. Probably for good reason- it's stupid.
6. Gee Wiz
For when you want to blaspheme, but are either too fearful or just don't have the time to bark out all three syllables of "Jesus Christ".
4. Jeepers Creepers
You don't hear this one much anymore either, but probably for bad reasons. With the recent popularity of the word "creeper", Jeepers Creepers is probably the fastest-rising JC-alternative on this list. It makes me picture two creepy dudes in a red Jeep Wrangler chasing disinterested, much younger women, who would really be left alone.
3. Jim Cavezial
Remember when Passion of the Christ was out and some over-eager fundamentalists suggested that Jim Cavezial more or less performed a miracle or two during the filming? The hilarity of those assertions buoyed Jim Cavezial to #3 on this list.
2. Judas Priest
Judas Priest got the 2 spot on this list because this is my mother's go-to Jesus-Christ-alternate-phrase. I'm not sure why this phrase cracks me up so much, but it does.
Would the Harry Potter version of this would be like, Malfoy Hogwart or something? I'm not totally up-to-date with my HP.
1. Cheese and Rice
I still remember when I learned this saying while on the bus in the 5th grade and where we were. I was really impressed by how well it rhymed with Jesus Christ, despite not having all that many common letters. But more impressive is how cheese and rice are both foods so this phrase made literal since on it's own accord unlike, say, Gee Wilikers.