The Single Bro's Guide to the American Cities

Bros of the USA, please put down your Bud Light, take off your aviators, and take a seat because this list is for you.  Whether you are moving to a new city or just going to visit, please use this as your guide to bro it out like a bro and impress some chicks in your new environment.  You are welcome.


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  • Chicago: I bet the depicted sot doesn't have the guts or aesthetic sense to get real tattoos.

    Milwaukee: Is Laverne still there, or, preferably, her granddaughter?

    San Francisco: Not really San Francisco, but more likely the Santa Clara, San Jose, Palo Alto, Menlo Park area. Note also that the 49ers stadium is moving there. But Priscilla Chan Zuckerberg is already taken. Different kind of single bro in San Francisco.

    Washington D.C.: Craig Ferguson would ask whether the politician or producer is the bigger douche. I vote for politician. At least the producer's son can get the babe on the casting couch, without it ending up on the evening news.

    Baltimore: As Craig says, you can get crabs in Baltimore. Doesn't mention if you can get scrod (past pluperfect of screwed) in Boston.

    Portland: You can also see the shrine to the birthplace of Matt Groening. Also, Burnside, Flanders, and Quimby streets.

    Seattle: Only thing there is the Pike Place Market. Does anyone go there after The Frugal Pedophile passed away?

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    Yeah that was me. Fairly stoked that this image lives on. Twas an epic night. And you're right, I don't posses the aesthetic sense there is still nary a at on my bod

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