Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off

Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off

With everyone clamoring to find out what is ailing Jesse Jackson Jr. (something more  specific than "mood disorder", that is) I was busy wondering if there were any jobs that would allow an unannounced and unexplained month off from work. In other words, I was trying to find a good next job for him


1. A-Hole Business Owner

They walk around like they own the place because they do. And they'll take off time when they feel like it. But, they'd be an a-hole to do it without warning or explanation.

2. Deadbeat Dad

Apparently a penchant for unexplained absences is vital to being a successful deadbeat dad. He'd be a natural.

3. Unemployed

About 9% of Chicagoans are unemployed. Based on Jesse's Congressional productivity in the last month, he knows all about not showing up for work already. That may be important should he find himself unemployed after his next election.

4. Criminal

I'm pretty sure criminals can take off big stretches of unaccounted-for time from work. Well, unless you got caught, went to prison, then got a job washing dishes, like Jesse Jr.'s buddy, Rod Blagojevich. You have to show up to that job in spite of your criminality.

5. Gambler

They don't report to a boss as far as I can tell.

6. Jesse Jackson Jr. Impersonator

Taking a month off is how you stay in character.

Filed under: Chicago

Tags: Chicago, Jesse Jackson Jr., Politics


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  • Nice stuff. It is also so bizarre that the Jackson team seems to issue a new word or phrase each day drawing this thing out. First its exhaustion, then physical and emotional ailments, and now "mood disorder." It's almost like Junior has been cast under a witch's spell and they forgot the key words to undo it.

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