Archive for July 2012

Five Signs You're Way Too Excited About The Dark Knight Rises

Christopher Nolan’s third and final Batman movie “The Dark Knight Rises” was released today and with it, all hope of a return to Bat Nipples is lost. Damn you and your dark humanizing of the franchise, Nolan! Joel Schumacher must be rolling in his grave, the one that I assume he sleeps in while wearing... Read more »

Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off

Jesse Jackson Jr.: These are the Only 6 Jobs That Allow an Unexplained Month off
With everyone clamoring to find out what is ailing Jesse Jackson Jr. (something more  specific than “mood disorder“, that is) I was busy wondering if there were any jobs that would allow an unannounced and unexplained month off from work. In other words, I was trying to find a good next job for him   1. A-Hole Business... Read more »

Stupid Week Day 2: 15 Stupidest Looking Dude Celebrities

Stupid Week Day 2: 15 Stupidest Looking Dude Celebrities
Day of Stupid Week, after yesterday’s: Why it’s Stupid to Think Kanye and Kim Kardashian are a real couple. Now on to today’s. Only one criterion for this list: No fictional characters allowed. These have to be the person in real life. Also, these are in no particular order and I’m not implying anything about... Read more »
Advertisement:

Stupid Week Kickoff: Why it's Stupid to Think Kanye and Kim Kardashian are a Real Couple

Stupid Week Kickoff: Why it's Stupid to Think Kanye and Kim Kardashian are a Real Couple
Lists That Actually Matters is running a theme week this week. The theme is: Stupid. Today is the first edition in our 5-part soft-hitting series on things that are stupid. I guess you already know today’s topic.   Some of you probably think Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are an actual couple. You’ll maybe defend... Read more »

Top 4 Reasons I'm Excited to Watch Andy Murray Lose Wimbledon

Top 4 Reasons I'm Excited to Watch Andy Murray Lose Wimbledon
Let me just say this before you call me a dick: I’m a dick. Moving on… About a decade ago I started noticing that England’s Tim Henman was Britain’s best chance to win Wimbledon, and despite not being the most gifted tennis player in the workd, Henman had a a lot of fight in him... Read more »

What To Do If You Find Yourself In a 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest

Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting around, minding your own business, celebrating America’s birthday by setting off small explosives dangerously close to your house and children, and a hot dog eating contest breaks out. All of a sudden your quiet, neighborhood cookout goes from looking like this: To this: I know, the difference... Read more »
Advertisement: