Have you ever found yourself talking to somebody and then suddenly realize you can't remember their name? Whether it's your blind date, your new coworker, or the man urinating next to you in the drunk tank, it's always embarrassing. So rather than admit you forgot their name (and risk looking foolish), here are a few classy and socially acceptable ways to totally cover it up.
Pretend to cough every time you say their name. It’s virtually foolproof. But if the person starts to catch on, throw up on yourself every time you say it. That usually ends any discussion about it.
Refuse to talk at all. It’s pretty hard to say a wrong name when you’re not saying anything at all. Conversational abstinence is by far the best protection.
Have them fill out a survey that asks for their name. And just so they don’t become too suspicious of your intentions, make sure the survey also asks for their genital size.
Insist they wear an ID badge all times. If they catch you reading it, just explain that you were scoping out their breasts. If you’re talking to a man, just explain that you wish he had breasts.
Make up a nickname instead. “In short, if you hire me I will be a great asset to this company. I promise I'll work very hard for you, and you will not regret hiring me. So, what do you say there, Ol’ Swizzle Dick?”
Ask to see their driver’s license picture, but then secretly look at their name. Once you’ve done that, memorize their social security number, run a very thorough background check when you get home, and make sure this person is who they say they are.
Convince them to buy you a present, but then sneak a peek at their credit card when they go to pay. It’s similar to the driver’s license maneuver. But it’s even better because in addition to learning their name, you get a foot spa from Sharper Image.
If all else fails, just start referring to the other person as Terry. Statistically, if you do this enough times it’s bound to work eventually.