The Saturday before St. Patrick's Day - the day that everyone celebrates the Irish Mardi Gras, but sub out those beads for clovers, and the boobs for fist-fights and chugging contests. Anyway, while you are walking around from bar to bar with your friends on Saturday afternoon, debating whether it will be two or three seasons before Charlie Sheen is on Dancing With The Stars, I promise that you will see these 5 types of people.
1. The Tool Irish Kid Who is Way to into St. Patrick's Day: If you grab any drink besides a Guinness or Jameson, he will get moody and tell you that you "are disrespecting his people's day." Sorry, 4th generation-Irish-American dick. He will probably be wearing one of those Newsy-looking-hats, an Irish rugby team's jersey, and tell everyone that will listen that this is "like my Christmas and birthday rolled into one!" If day-drinking in themed clothing holds that much significance then college must take place on the North Pole.
2. The Out-of-Town Visitor: Your friend from college who never goes out comes to visit. He then blacks out and either a) gets lost, b) gets in a fight with one of your other friends, c) goes to jail, or d) makes-out with the yellowed-teeth girl at the end of the bar. We're all pulling for d). That way everyone wins.
3. The Old Guy (Guy who is too old to be blacked out at young perosn bar): His friends all stopped celebrating St. Patty's a decade ago, but that hasn't stopped him from tucking his cheesy "I Love Green Beer" t-shirt into his beltless jeans.
4. St. Patty's Day Hater: Two types of St. Patty's Day haters: the Contratian and the Clubber. The Contrarian can't like anything enjoyed by the masses. The guy who used to love Mumford and Sons, Obama, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Macbooks before they became mainstream. He will make some smug comment about how drinking on St. Patrick's Day is just an "American tradition." He studied abroad in Europe for a semester. He gets it. The Clubber is shocked that he can't get bottle service at Glascott's Saloon and that anyone would want to drink beer from a pitcher.
5. The Crying Girlfriend: No way! Getting blacked out drunk with the BF and 20 of his closest idiots ended in a fake break-up and tears? But, let's be honest, was the fact that he had a secret handshake with Chad and not you really worth crying over?