Listen. You aren't going to win your NCAA March Madness Pool. Just go rip up your bracket now, and save yourself the headache. Who is going to win? One of these 5 F-ing people.
5. The Organizer: I don't care if Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, or whatever web provider we are using makes it impossible to cheat because I am still certain the Organizer is cheating, and so is everyone else in the pool.
4. The Boss: He joined the office pool as a way to relate to his workers and, of course, he won. Now his daughter can finally get that white BMW to go with her black one.
3. The Girl Who Pretends to Know Sports: There are plenty of women who know a lot about sports, and I am not talking about them. I am talking about the girl who doesn't really know or care about sports, but talking to guys has never come easy to her. This gives her an excuse to confront the crush, and say something like "they totally never call traveling." And she will be reminding you about her winning bracket every time she sees you for the next 20 years.
2. The Rich Guy: The guy who always wants the entrance fee higher because his trust fund isn't going to spend itself. When this guy wins be tactical, and make sure you give him his winnings when you are out at the bar. If he is a nice rich guy, he will be buying more drinks than usual that night.
1. The Hot Girl: In 2010 she won because she was the only person who picked Duke and Butler to make it to the finals. She made her selections because her ex-boyfriend's brother had this "super cute" pug that she thought looked like Butler's Bulldog mascot, and she thought Duke would get promoted to "King" if they won the championship. The weird thing is, this is probably a more practical way to fill out your bracket than actually trying to analyze match-ups. I can never figure out why the Hot Girl is even entering the NCAA Pool. She hasn't had to use cash since high school, and everyone knows the guy who organizes the pool let her enter for free. I bet she even has the old model $20 bill in her wallet.
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