What Your Halloween Candy Says About You

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It's that time of year again when children arrive on your doorstep dressed as various demons, civil servants, members of society and anthropomorphic animals, demanding you give them something good to eat lest they make you smell their feet. They’ll do it, too. Never underestimate the lengths a nougat junkie is willing to go for a fix.

So you're giving up the sugar. That much we know. Then the question becomes, what does the sugar you hand out say about you? Let’s take a look at some popular varieties and what message you’re sending, rotting away in teeth of neighborhood children, by handing them out.

Tootsie Roll: You’re a thrifty sort, hardly prone to fits of spontaneity. In fact, such an idea makes you uncomfortable. You find it reckless and unwise, like swimming at night or visiting an unfamiliar barber.

Snickers: Quick with a laugh, steady and predictable. People feel like they’ve known you all their lives upon first meeting you and rarely have anything bad to say about you.

Twix: There are two sides to you. Sure, you’re pleasant most of the time, but there’s a hard edge underneath. It’s a good thing, but it does add a layer of complexity that can otherwise be absent in your peers.

Circus Peanuts: Sadists. Out to ruin everything for everyone. Unreasonable and perverse. You’re unpleasant to be around and that’s just the way you like it. People will exhaust all other options before coming to you for anything.

Kit Kat: Tolerant and generous. You’re quick to share, but as a consequence, everyone wants a piece of you. Although you frequently spread yourself thin, you never fail to deliver.

Sour Patch Kids: Your first impression is that of a harsh, bitter person, and that causes others to prematurely judge you. But those that take the time to get to know you realize you can really be quite sweet and charming.

Starburst: Everybody likes you, even if they don’t enjoy everything about you. There are just parts of your personality that don’t sit well with some. And when those parts come out, people end up trying to pass you off on others.

100 Grand: You know what you have and you have no problem showing it. You wear flashy jewelry and sunglasses indoors. You’re surrounded by hangers-on whom you call your friends, but deep down you know they’d turn their back on you the second things went bad.

M&M’s: Yes, you like variety, but you never stray too far from what you know best. You got this far doing things your way and see no reason to make drastic changes. No sir, you’ll stick to what you know, thank you very much.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups: Incredibly likable because everyone finds something in you they enjoy. Friendly and approachable, there’s just something indescribably wonderful about you. Even when you’re a little salty, there’s an underlying sweetness to you.

Butterfinger: Flaky, evasive and unreliable. You’ll say whatever it takes to get you out of a situation, no matter how benign. Just when people think they’ve gotten through to you, you find a new way to fall apart. Often picked last for games involving catching.

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  • How do you know me so well?! Genius.

  • It's a gift.

  • My daughter got a handful of Charleston Chews last night in her bag.

    Charleston Chews?!

    These are akin to Circus Peanuts described so aptly above.

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    Nice! Nailed me. Tweeting this tomorrow among other shares!

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