Archive for October 2011

What Your Halloween Candy Says About You

It’s that time of year again when children arrive on your doorstep dressed as various demons, civil servants, members of society and anthropomorphic animals, demanding you give them something good to eat lest they make you smell their feet. They’ll do it, too. Never underestimate the lengths a nougat junkie is willing to go for... Read more »

5 Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

5 Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas
Lke  us on Facebook Halloween!  It’s the one time of the year that angels, cats, butterflies, and tooth fairies get to be slutty, diabetic kids get to eat real candy, and slutty girls get to feel normal.   Unfortunately, many of us have been busy protesting or working these past few weeks and haven’t had time... Read more »

Eight Reasons Halloween Sucks as an Adult

Like Halloween, do you? Think it’s a lot of fun? Yeah, Halloween used to be great, back when it was a perfectly harmless pagan celebration of the occult for children. Now it’s nothing more than a manufactured holiday dreamed up by Big Pumpkin insiders as a way to get our attention outside of catapulting season.... Read more »
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The 6 Best As(s)pects of Gaddafi Getting a Stick Shoved up his Ass

The 6 Best As(s)pects of Gaddafi Getting a Stick Shoved up his Ass
On Monday the Huffington Post released a grainy video, and still frames of a captor of Moamer Gaddafi forcing an object (could be a stick, knife or end of a gun; no one is sure yet). into Gaddafi’s backside. Tantalizingly, those teases over at the  Huffington Post ran the headline, “Gaddafi sodomized? Video Shows Libayan... Read more »

Ten Keys to Winning a Political Debate

Ten Keys to Winning a Political Debate
A political campaign is a marathon not a sprint, which partially explains why candidates are always urinating on themselves on the trail. But one way for any hopeful to quickly and comfortably move ahead in the polls is to come through with an excellent showing in a debate. And to do so, you have to... Read more »

I Simply Remember my Favorite Things and Then I Don't Feel so bad

I Simply Remember my Favorite Things and Then I Don't Feel so bad
This essay is an admitted departure from my usual snarky lists.  In fact, it’s neither.  Last week I had a bad day and forced myself to get happier,  it worked for me and I hope it can work for you. Sometimes when I get an especially bad case of the blues I try to quantify... Read more »
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5 More Things for the Occupy Wall Street Protesters to Demand

5 More Things for the Occupy Wall Street Protesters to Demand
Marathon season, move over!  It’s time to share the spotlight with protest season as our country’s liberals hit the street to prove to the Tea Party that they aren’t the only Americans who like to make signs and chant in unison.  From what I’ve pieced together from a few of my friends retweets, the guys... Read more »

5 More Things to Hate About Marathon Runners

5 More Things to Hate About Marathon Runners
Like us on Facebook Last year around marathon time I wrote a list on the 5 Things to hate about marathon runners.  That list upset the marathonites (aka marathon runners) greatly, and they all immediately went for 12-miler to burn off their anger, reflect, and get their endorphin level back up.  (If I was doing a... Read more »

6 Reasons I Like Boobs More Than Butts

6 Reasons I Like Boobs More Than Butts
1. Because I have a Butt Jerry Seinfeld asked, “Why would I be a leg man? I have legs!” and he was right.  Butts can’t be as great as boobs because we already know all about butts.  I think it’s fair to say most  heterosexuals derive  some enjoyment from exploring a body unlike their own;... Read more »
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Public Service Lists: Readjusting Amanda Knox to Life on the Outside

Dear Amanda Knox, Congratulations, you’re out of prison and back on U.S. soil. But I’m afraid your ordeal is not quite over, unfortunately. There’s still the little matter of readjusting to life in a society from which you’ve been absent for nearly five years. Allow me to help. STAY AWAY FROM OLIVE GARDEN! If their... Read more »